My Merlot

The Story of The Fire: Part 1

2012-01-06T13:26:00.000-06:00

As most of you that read here already know, on December 10th Collin and I lost our home in a fire. We were able to get the boys and the dog out but with the exception of a few personal items that we went back in and salvaged the next day, everything else was lost. It has been a very overwhelming four weeks and we've just scratched the surface of putting our lives back together; there is still so much to do. People have been amazing. Amazing. And for that we will be forever grateful, but there is still a lot of pain and sadness. I've been meaning to update this blog for weeks and thought I'd start with the story of that night.

***

December 9th was a typical Friday night on all accounts. Collin came home with the boys around 5:30 with one child awake and ready for dinner (Hutton) and one sleeping because he had not napped that afternoon (Keaton). After dinner and Keaton's catnap we turned on the tv to find a line-up of Christmas movies. I don't remember what the first one was, but the second was Yes, Virginia, which was followed by the Elf on the Shelf Movie. Keaton was so excited to see the Elf on the Shelf again (we had watched it the first time it viewed and that night was when Hanley, our elf, appeared for the first time) that it didn't even matter that our local station was having some sound issues; we stayed up to watch it anyway.

It was 9 pm when the movie ended so we gathered up the boys, put them in pj's and headed for our bedroom. It has become a routine for the four of us to lay in our bed, read a couple of books, say prayers, and then turn off the lights for the boys to go to sleep. Once they are out, we move the kids into their own bedroom, and Collin and I get up to do some housework or just watch some adult tv in peace. Sometimes, though, we fall asleep with them, not waking up until a few hours later. And other times we don't wake up at all. When we went to bed that night, we hadn't intended on falling asleep. There were still lights on in the house, the Christmas tree, which we had just decorated that day, was still lit, and I'm pretty sure the tv was still on.

Before climbing into bed, Hutton had walked over and almost completely shut our bedroom door, something we don't usually do because the cat likes to sleep on my legs at night, and pretty quickly after turning out the lights, we all four fell asleep. It must have been a long week because Collin and I were not only asleep but sleeping pretty soundly.

Because the door to our bedroom was shut, we did not smell any smoke or hear any unusual noises, but shortly after 1 am, we were jolted awake by the sound of violently screeching smoke alarms going off throughout our house. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Our alarms were wired so when one went off, the whole house was screaming at us. It sounded like a war zone.

Collin jumped out of bed, ran to the hallway and when he rounded the corner to the living room he saw a flicker of light and a large cloud of black smoke. He rushed back into the room and flipped on our bedroom light. It was at this moment that I really became coherent and realized what was going on.

He looked at me and yelled "It's that fucking Christmas tree! Wrap the kids in a blanket and get them out of the house!"

(Earlier that afternoon Collin had taken the day off to decorate our tree, which had been standing in our dining room for nearly two weeks with no lights or ornaments. He had come into my office while decorating and told me that he thought we needed to get new lights because ours were flickering. Because he saw a flash of light and the smoke was coming from that general area, he thought it was the tree. We'd realize later that it wasn't.)

People always ask if your house was on fire what would you grab? Photos, family heirlooms, mementos from vacations usually top the list. I can tell you in that split second the one and only thing each of us grabbed was a child.

Collin swooped his arms around our comforter wrapping Hutton as best he could in the blankets, I grabbed Keaton and we ran.

Thankfully our front door isn't far from our bedrooms. As I stood in our entry way for the few seconds it took Collin to kick Maia's dog bed out of the way and unbolt the door, I could see that the entire dining room, breakfast nook, and half of the living room were entirely filled with thick black smoke. I had no idea that the Christmas tree was still plugged in because I could only see a few feet in front of me.

As we ran out the door I yelled at the top of my lungs for Maia and just as I was exiting the house I felt her run past me and I knew she was out and safe.

Collin set Hutt on the ground and because there was a full moon that night the yard was illuminated and I could see the look of complete terror on his face.

Should I go to the Smith's? (our neighbors, not their real name) I asked him.

Yes!

As Collin turned to go back into the house I yelled at him to grab my phone and then I threw one kid on each hip, Keaton on my left and Hutton on my right, and I took off.

It was only 4 degrees out that night and I was wearing a thin pair of pajama pants, a nursing tank, and socks, but I didn't even notice. Barely clothed and wearing no shoes I ran through our yard, over the driveway, and into the field between our houses. I am so thankful I did not fall and hurt one of the boys or the baby. Once through their yard and onto their driveway, I rounded their garage to go to the front door. I could see a light on in their house and I remember a huge rush of relief as I realized someone was home.

Setting the boys down on the stoop, I began pounding on their door; trying hard not to wake up their two little kids, but hoping someone would hear me. Our neighbor, John, (not his real name) yelled out at me

"Who is it?"

Hysterically and completely out of breath I yelled "Kate Kono"

"Who??" He told me later he thought someone was there to rob them.

"John, it's KATE!" I yelled back. "Our house is on fire!"

***

This has already gotten pretty long so I think I'll stop for today and finish the story this weekend.

An explanation for the silence

2011-12-02T09:21:00.001-06:00

I've gotten a few messages from friends this week saying - Hey, dude, what's with the lack of blog posts??

Actually, they've been very sweet saying, I miss your blog posts, which awww, that is so nice. But I know in their head their actually thinking SLACKER.

We have been busy around here and there were a number of posts I meant to write, like our trip to the apple orchard, the pumpkin patch, and Halloween. Oh, and our weekend in Indy and my first attempt at making apple pie.

I had good intentions and I told myself this time it would be different, I wouldn't slack on life. But then the hormones kicked in and I've spent the last several weeks, ummm, well, trying not to die. See, at the end of September we found out this:

Holy shit, y'all! We are in trouble!

June 11, 2012

5:30 pm

2011-11-08T07:41:00.000-06:00

It's dark now and their headlights illuminate the yard as they pull up the drive. I've been sitting here, chugging away at work trying to get caught up as the darkness has crept around me. I haven't had time to turn on any lights and so when the door opens the house is black. That doesn't stop him though. I immediately hear the pitter patter of little feet making a bee-line from the kitchen to my office. He stops in the doorway, draws his hands to his mouth and giggles.

Hi, sweetie!

He darts into the room and is instantly at my side, arms extended, wanting to be picked up.

I swivel my chair and reach out for him as he practically leaps into my lap.

His hands are black from a hard day of play. His face is covered in a fine dust and he smells of pizza flavored snack mix. He immediately points at my drink and says "deese!" It's empty though, so he settles into the crook of my neck and starts to point at the ceiling. Fan, I tell him, light.

"Down!" He exclaims and just like that he is off.

My day has ended. My evening has just begun.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T08:53:00.001-05:00

Hutton's 1st Birthday Party

2011-10-21T15:45:00.000-05:00

The idea of having an airplane-themed birthday party actually started when I was thinking about Keaton's 2nd birthday. However, when the time came to start planning it was wildly apparent that a train party was in order. So when it was time to start thinking about Hutt's 1st birthday the airplane theme popped back in my head. That's one of the beautiful things about the first birthday party, it's really up to you. At one year old kids aren't typically into things yet and so, as the parent, you get to decide. Just one year later, when Keaton turned two, that was all over.

Months before the party I started scouring Etsy for party supplies and when I found these invitations and coordinating accessories by Mary Had a Little Party I instantly fell in love. Right then, at midnight on a Wednesday while sitting at the dining room table by the light of the computer, plans for a vintage bi-plane 1st birthday party were set in motion.

We started the party with a cook-out type lunch. Burgers, brats, hot dogs, pasta salad, potato salad, veggie tray, and a fruit bowl, among other things. And then it was time to strip a certain little boy down for cake.

Before singing to Hutt we had a special practice run for Auntie Kira, who was celebrating her birthday on Hutt's party day.

And then it was time to let him dig in. For Keaton's first birthday I ordered a special cake. For Hutton's I decided to get the cake topper and coordinating cupcake toppers and make our own cake. And a smash cake, all for Hutt.

About mid-way though his cake I looked up from next to his highchair and caught the sight of everyone here, helping us celebrate and I felt incredibly blessed. So, I grabbed my camera to snap a shot of the crowd. Hutton had about 50 family and friends who came over to celebrate his 1st birthday.

While Hutton enjoyed his cake, he liked sharing it even more.

Following cake we moved into the living room for gifts.

From the mantle I strung a photo banner of one picture from each month of his first year. I got the idea from Beth at I Should be Folding Laundry - who made one for her son's first birthday party. It was super, super easy, all you need are your pictures, a hole bunch and some ribbon. I included a sign in the middle that said "My First Year flew by..."

I have to admit, I ended up opening the majority of Hutton's gifts. At one year, he just wasn't overly interested in it all and once he opened this ball it was all over. Ball! Ball. Ball. That's all he wanted. He got so many awesome gifts, balls, trucks, books, and some adorable clothes (Mama especially likes those) and while he might not have been too into opening them, he loves playing with them all now.

After gifts the kids each got an old-fashion glider and got to take a trip through the candy buffet.

While the festivities ended around 3 pm, we had people here celebrating until late into the night. Which makes it perfect that this post and my thank yous are also coming so late (seriously, I'm only about 1/4 of the way through thank yous, but I am working on them. Just....slowly.)

Many, many thanks to everyone who came out to help us celebrate, we so appreciate it and appreciate all of you.

A special thanks to our parents, who helped us clean and cook, Amanda, who came two days early to help me get the house in order and cook and bake, and Cas, who so graciously served as my photographer for the day. The majority of the pictures in this post were taken by CaSondra Shim Photograpy.

His Promise

2011-10-20T16:42:00.000-05:00

I've had a lot weighing on my mind lately and a number of things and people I've been praying for. Last night I walked outside with Keaton and saw this.

A full rainbow.

A double rainbow, if you look closely.

It was so big I couldn't fit it in one frame, but it was so bright and so beautiful I had to capture all of it any way I could.

The sight of it almost instantly brought tears to my eyes. My heart lightened and right then I felt like, everything is going to be okay.

A rainbow in the Bible symbolizes the new covenant, His promise to us.

Today I received good news from three different people.

God is good. Life is good. If you have something weighing you down, I hope you will soon see your rainbow.

Proud Parenting Moments

2011-10-07T10:09:00.001-05:00

Last night we were sitting at the dinner table and Keaton strategically placed his cloth napkin between us and said, "we share." It was immediately after I'd taken a bite of my sandwich and had ketchup running down my hands (hey, I like ketchup) and so I picked that napkin up and said "Thanks, honey. I will use that. I have crap all over my hands."

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I cringed and looked a Collin, mouthing "I shouldn't have said that."

I was expecting him to parrot it back immediately, but he didn't. He took a bite of his sandwich and as he chewed we were dead silent, hanging on suspense. Finally he picked up the napkin, rubbed his hands off on it and said "Tee use napkin too. Tee has a lot of crap on my hands."

This reminded me off a story from a few weeks ago, it was a Wednesday morning and we had plans which meant we needed to be out of the house at a very specific time. I wheeled the highchair and booster seat into the kitchen so the boys would be right next to me during breakfast as I packed their bag. I was filling snack cups for the ride and pulled out the sippies for water. I unscrewed the first one and the plug that prevents the sippy from leaking was missing.

God Damnit. I said in my mind. Who puts the sippy away not put back together??!!

Then I unscrewed sippy number two and the. exact. same. thing.

"What the fuck?" I muttered.

Immediately, from two feet behind my I hear:

"Momma say, wha da fak?"

I know it's best not to make a big deal about this so very calmly and sweetly I say to him:

"Oh no. No, we don't say that."

But as I turn around I see his eyes are big and he's slowly nodding his head in the affirmative.

"Yeah. Momma say. Wha. Da. Fak."

And all I can think is, well that's going to be terrific when he repeats it in public.

apple week

2011-10-05T10:30:00.000-05:00

These are the apples from our trees. Unfortunately they had to be picked before they were quite ripe because our trees are still babies and the weight of these little guys was threatening to break the limbs. But we've been enjoying them anyway. Before they were picked the boys would eat them right off the trees. Keaton, yanking one until it was free. Hutton, biting into it while it was still attached. Since we picked them they have been in a box in the garage, taken out as snacks and waiting to be made into sauce or crisps.

Today I'm taking the boys to Lapacek's Orchard to visit my friend and college roommate, Karma, and her family (including Kim!) I plan to come home with loads more apples, some for eating and some for baking, along with some other goodies like squash and caramel apples and whatever else I find in their store. The rest of this week I plan to do a little apple-ing: coring, slicing, steaming, baking, saucing. I can't wait.

a weekend in the woods

2011-10-04T13:35:00.000-05:00

Things we did this weekend:

*Had a Friday night fish fry with the bass and bluegill Papa Grizz caught in the lake

*Went on walks

*Got cranberries and craisins at Cranberry Fest.

* Went fishing

* Took a long nap

* Paddle boat rides!

* Played in the leaves and (pretend) cut down trees

* Had beer can chicken off the grill

* Watched the birds

* Read books

Things we did not do this weekend:

* Work on the boys' Halloween costumes

* Get a family picture in front of the Hodag

* Take the pictures posted above

We got up to the cabin for one last weekend before the boys close her up for the winter. Nothing quite compares to a weekend in the woods. It does wondrous things for your mind and soul. Unfortunately this year it has made me way too relaxed, so much so that I haven't even taken the time to snap some pictures documenting our time up there. The pictures above were all taken when we were up over Labor Day. Now the trees are changing from green to yellows and brilliant reds. While I wouldn't say it was peak color, by the time we left on Sunday it was getting close. The air is cooler now, the wind a little brisker. You need sweatshirts and coats. But the sun was shining and it felt so good on your skin. It was a perfect fall weekend.

The Hodag is the symbol of Rhinelander and I had wanted to get a picture of us in front of the big statue when you come in to town each year. I didn't get that shot this year, but over Labor Day a kind stranger took these off the boys outside of a restaurant downtown. My phone (camera) had gone dead, so she took them and emailed them to me immediately. People are good.

The only pictures I did get this weekend were of our paddle boat ride. It's rare that we get a family picture, with all four of us, so though I didn't get out my camera as much as I should have, I am pleased with what I got.

Until next summer, Cabin.

May you rest well this winter and be ready for our return in May.

We know we'll be ready to see you.

Happy Weekend

2011-09-30T09:32:00.001-05:00

I spend so much time breaking up fights between these two that sometimes I forget that this sibling thing, it is good. When I stepped out of the room last night to switch a load of laundry I gave it 30 seconds before the screaming began. When I walked back in 5 minutes later to find this, my Mama's heart was overcome with joy. Yes, this sibling thing is good.

We'll be heading up to the cabin this evening for one last weekend on the lake before the doors are closed for the winter. Keaton has packed his tractor shirt to show Mimi and his bear jammies to show Papa Grizz - he says it will make them happy. When I reminded him this morning of our plans he stood up on the bed and did a little jig - "Tee be happy! Tee dancing!"

Happy Weekend, everyone!

He likes Reubens

2011-09-29T13:01:00.001-05:00

Our little worker - with his chainsaw, tape measure and pencil.

Yesterday I had not one, but TWO dinner dates with friends. In the afternoon I took the boys downtown to meet Tanya for lunch. Our meal took awhile to come out and when we were finally done Tanya was running a little late so she got up to pay while Keaton was messing around with one of the video machines. When he came back to the table and saw that she had left he said "Oh no! Go bye bye? Tee yove her!"

Then last night I had a dinner date with Amanda, to celebrate her recent birthday. It was all-around a great day, but I was feeling a little guilty that I was having so much fun and Collin was stuck at work and then at home, solo-parenting. So, as a surprise I bought him a Dairy Queen cake.

I got home from dinner at 9 pm and found one little boy still up, waiting for Mama. As we snuggled into the couch to catch the second episode of Revenge I told Collin he could have the rest of my Reuben if he wanted. Shortly after, Keaton jumped down from the couch and ran to Collin, who was sitting on the floor, nose to nose he says "Tee want some Reuben, Daddy." And so Collin made a deal with him, at the next commercial break go get your pj's on and then we'll warm up the Reuben.

After jammies Keaton ran back to the living room to made good on the deal and Collin gave him a spoonful out of his bowl.

"Mmmmm, good Reuben." Keaton says.

"What are you eating?" I asked him, since I knew the Reuben wouldn't be eaten with a spoon.

"Ice cream cake."

"More Reuben, Daddy. More Reuben."

What can we say? The kid likes Reubens.

It's raining, it's pouring.

2011-09-27T09:08:00.001-05:00

I started this post yesterday. Right now, it is not in fact raining. But I believe we'll be getting more throughout the week. I was going to title it Rain, Rain, Go Away, but that seems to imply that I haven't enjoyed being hunkered down the last few days, sitting in front of the fire, candles burning - their flames dancing in the darkened rooms - and our Halloween lights emitting a calming orange glow.

This is why I love this time of year. For us, fall signifies a slow-down. With so many family and friends living in distant places, summer brings with it lots of travel and time away from home. And it also brings yard work and gardening and it never fails that we have a hard time balancing it all. But once fall comes we start staying home more, and while I'm actually dying to get out in the yard and bring in my old, wilted summer flowers and replace them with the mums I bought this weekend, sometimes the weather just forces us to slow down.

We had planned on heading to the cabin this past weekend but at the last minute we changed our minds and will be heading up in a few days instead. That left us with nothing really on the agenda last weekend, which made for the perfect kind of days. We started working on the boys Halloween costumes, we got our mums, we spent a lot of time in front of the fire, we watched football, we got the house in order, and we started decorating for Halloween. I've never decorated like this before, bit by bit, I only have a few things up in the rooms that I've scrubbed down, but it feels good and I'm anxious to haul the rest of the decorations out and get them up. For the outside we have plans for pumpkins and cornstalks, but for right now the weather is telling us to sit down and enjoy these leisurely days.

This Guy

2011-09-22T14:17:00.001-05:00

Mmmm, Busha's chicken dumpling soup.

On Tuesday night I took this guy to Kohl's with me after dinner. I had a bill that needed to be paid and he was in need of a few new jammies. He's at the age now that he likes to pick out his own stuff, choosing a pair with dump trucks and dozers, one with footballs, new choo choos, and a green flannel Christmas pair with penguins. I convinced him to swap those out for some Halloween jams.

I was a little...ummm..gassy after dinner and I tend to forget that he is just 3 feet tall, trailing behind me right in the line of fire.

When the scent hit my nose I scrunched it up and thought...ooohh, I hope no one notices that.

That was about the time Keaton dramatically wrapped himself in the flannel Dora pajamas, twisting the arm around his nose and exclaimed "EWWWWW, POOP!"

Last night after dinner this guy was climbing on the chair and up onto the table to try to blow the candle out. I heard Collin scold both boys for climbing and to "get down."

Almost as soon as the words came out of his mouth, from the kitchen I heard a crash and instant wailing. You know the kind, the cry that is uncontrollable, the cry that signifies pain.

I ran into him and scooped him up, he held his head and asked for ice. And then for the next hour we sat on the couch, snuggling, holding ice to his head. There is nothing normal about Keaton sitting still for an hour. There is nothing normal about him asking to go to bed. And though both of the boys wake up in the middle of the night, it's not normal for him to wake up whimpering.

By 11:30 he had woken up 3 times. I called the nurse and she said to give him some Tylenol or ib profin. This morning he seemed completely normal so I'm hoping the pain was just a headache and nothing more serious.

Weekend-ing

2011-09-20T11:36:00.001-05:00

On Saturday morning we met Papa and Bush downtown for the Polish Dozynki Harvest Fest. I am not a lick of Polish, I'm mostly Swedish followed by German and English, but Collin is nearly 100% Polish (not quite all, but nearly), which makes the boys almost 50% Polish - I like to kid that this makes me, by default, also Polish.

It is important to me that our kids learn about the different customs and traditions from their heritage. In this house we frequently call mushrooms "grzybys" (GZHIH-bih), potatoes are "bouvlas", and if you call an allspice anything put a "koo baba" (I may have spelled this wrong) we will not know what you are talking about. One Polish item I have not tried is a pierogi - a dumpling stuffed with potatoes, kraut, meat, you name it. I had never tired it, that is, until Saturday. My favorite was the mushroom and kraut. As I was searching for that link I saw a recipe for pierogis and guess what is now going on my to-do list?

Besides trying our fair share of Polish food there was pumpkin painting, a petting zoo and horse-drawn carriage rides. The boys loved the carriage ride and Mama loved thinking about what it would be like as a settler, traveling cross country in this little buggy.

After the festival we packed the kids up and headed east to the mall. We had two little boys in desperate need of some new shoes and a few more items for their fall/winter wardrobe. We found some good deals at Old Navy, Keaton picked out an orange fleece this year and Hutt had to have the exact. same. one. I tried getting him green, he screamed. So he got orange. I had big plans for our mall trip but three stores in I realized I was not going to get much more out of either child or Daddy. And so we got new running shoes for Keaton - he boxed his old ones up and said there are is "owie running shoes" and right then my heart broke, my poor child wearing "owie" shoes for the past few, okay, several, weeks. And then hit the road. Well, actually, we hit the restaurant for dinner.

Sunday we went to church, came home for the Packer game and then had a birthday party for a special little 2 year old in the afternoon. It was a good weekend. I hope you enjoyed yours as well!

PS My phone has stopped working (AGAIN!!) so I have no access to Twitter or FB from my phone right now. It's also the reason my Enjoying Today page hasn't been updated recently. However, I'm going to rectify that at some point today :)

WeDay: Part 2 - Bay Beach

2011-09-14T11:03:00.000-05:00

This is the second part of our WeDay from two weeks ago. Today the boys and I are laying low and I'm trying to fight back the tears. I have work to finish up for a meeting this week and I'm having a hard time juggling that and focusing on them. Some days WeDays are hard. Some days, I have to admit, it doesn't feel worth it. But most days this is our specal time together and so that's what I'm trying to remind myself today, next week will be better...

***

I first heard of Bay Beach a couple of years ago at a family birthday party and I thought it was a beach, you know, with water and sand. But then they started talking about rides and fun for the kids and that's when I perked up, Bay Beach? What is that? It wasn't until Kelly asked me if the boys and I wanted to meet her and her new Baby Girl there for the afternoon that I learned the full history of the, used to be beach, now amusement park (where the rides only cost $0.25 or $0.50!!.) Of course I told her yes right away, I was dying to see that little girl and also, since first hearing of it two years ago this has been a place I've wanted to take the kids when they were old enough.

Of course "old enough" is a tricky phrase. Hutton is our little daredevil. He climbs on everything trying to get as high as possible, he rides on his bouncy animals with wild abandon, he is what some would call, a little crazy. So when I stuck him in that first boat, right after we had all eaten lunch, I really thought he'd be fine. Oh Dear God was I wrong.

As soon as it started moving he started screaming and trying to get out. Of the boat. That was over WATER. I ran back to him, the girl operating the machine shut it off as quickly as possible. As I reached out for him he leapt into my arms. As I carried him away and settled him down the ride started back up and that's when I heard more crying.

Upon seeing me walk away with his brother and being left there alone Keaton freaked out. And so there I was, running back in to collect child #2 and thankfully Kelly got it all on film for me. (Although when Collin saw those pictures he looked at me and said - you left Hutt in a boat by himself?? And that night he proceeded to have a nightmare of our baby being kidnapped. So, good? Not good? I don't know.) After the boat escapade we decided to take a little breather from rides and head over to the playground for a bit where the boys went down slides, climbed through tunnels...

...played with the wood chips...

...and ate a little dirt. Because really, what playground trip is complete without the sampling of the local mud.

After we spent some time at the playground and all calmed down a little we decided to head back for the rides. We found this helicopter which was perfect because I could go on it with the boys. I took Keaton first while Hutt entertained himself with a blue slushy. But when Hutton saw us boarding the ride he started screaming, not because he was scared but because he wanted to be with us. So for the second trip we all went together. And they loved it.

We also hit up the train and the carousal. These two were perfect because Kelly and Baby C could go too. And so could Hutton's blue lips.

Lest you fear Bay Beach is only for kids and adults can not have fun there, be not thee fooled. Adults enjoy it too.

Keaton spent the rest of his tickets on these cars. By the looks of the pictures you probably won't believe me that he ran off them asking to go again and that Kelly and I both scraped together our remaining tickets to let him ride one last time, but I assure you, he did. (Seriously, do not be thrown by that frown.)

When I got my two exhausted guys home that night I asked Keaton what his favorite part of the day was and he declared it to be the choo choo ride. Which I was happy with, because I was really afraid he might have said the mud puddle.

Despite the boat mishap we had a great day, and I can't wait to go back. Kelly and Baby C., thank you so much for meeting us there!! (PS Your Welcome Baby C gift is in the mail. Kinda of. Okay actually it is sitting here still waiting to be packaged up, but it will be in the mail soon. Promise. Okay, soonish.)

In honor of the season opener

2011-09-09T06:31:00.000-05:00

These pictures were taken by Busha during the 2010 season. What a flashback. My babies, they are so YOUNG!

Internet on my phone has decided to quit working and I couldn't get a connection last night to post these before the game. And what a game that was. Way to kick off the season Green Bay. This family is so pumped to have football back.

Go Pack Go!!!

WeDay: Part 1 - Diggers

2011-09-08T08:41:00.000-05:00

Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines. Remember those deadlines I have been talking about for, oh?, the past 3 or so weeks? Well, they're here. Actually, they have come and gone and I am still not through all of my reports. So sadly we did not have a WeDay yesterday as Mama Bush graciously watched the kids for me so I could work.

But last Wednesday the boys and I had a great day and because I was up at 5:30 am on Sunday to work and then realized I'd forgotten my internet connection (we were at the cabin) I finally made it though our WeDay pictures.

Collin and Papa have been working on the plans for a new house for the past several weeks. We weren't exactly sure when "digging day" would be, but when it came Collin wanted Keaton to be there. And then last Tuesday he came home and said "the digger is coming tomorrow." So we got up early and picked up Busha and headed to the site.

Daddy and Papa came over as soon as they saw us and I think they might have been just as excited as Keaton was for this day. Although, Keat was a little nervous at first, clinging to Collin's shoulder, soon enough he warmed up to it and even got to sit up inside the digger.

When the digger needed to get back to work Papa took Keaton into the hole to watch the masons lay the footings.

And of course, no digging adventure would be complete without a little digger of his own.

I think he could have sat right there, playing in the pile of dirt, watching the digger do it's work all day long if we would have let him. But Daddy & Papa needed to get back to work and we needed to mosey on over to Green Bay for the rest of our day....

Soul in the Season: Fall 2011

2011-09-01T20:31:00.000-05:00

I’ve been known to wish away summer, to long for cool autumn days where a blanket of crisp leaves covers the ground. This year I tried hard not to do that. Even though we’ve had our share of hot and miserable days we’ve made the most out of this summer and have really enjoyed it. As we moved through August, more than once I had to stop myself and remember to savor the last few weeks, to live in the moment and soak up the last bits of the season, to not jump ahead to fall. I was doing pretty good with this until we went to Papa & Busha’s one evening and she showed me her copy of Better Homes and Gardens, Country Gardens magazine. There were some great articles about seeds and a picture of a gardening shed Collin and I’d like to build in our backyard. But what Busha really wanted to show me were the fall decorating ideas. I flipped it open to see the display of porches adorned with pumpkins, gourds, and mums and the couches accented with burnt orange pillows and suddenly my heart started beating faster. My mind was running 100 miles and minute, the creative juices pumping. I can’t help it. I love fall. I love each season for different reasons and we’re lucky enough to live in an area that we can really participate in all four, but fall, autumn, it’s my favorite.

There’s so much I love about this season, the colors of the trees, the sound of crunching leaves, wearing jeans and sweatshirts, pulling out the crock pot for soups and roasts, ordering a pumpkin spice latte at any time during the day and not needing it iced. But I think what I love most is what this season represents to me, bounty, harvest, thanksgiving. To me this is a season to reflect on all of our blessings, to slow down, be present, spend quality time together, and prepare for the winter season ahead.

I have so many things on my Soul Season list for fall. Some are centered around making memories with the boys, some around the produce of the season, some are purely for pleasure/enjoyment, all of them will help me to live more presently in the season.

Go to the apple orchard. Can apple sauce and make an apple pie (my very first!)
Decorate our house, inside and out, for the season.
Host an autumn harvest dinner.
Spend Sundays relaxing, watching football, and generally refraining from work.
Go letterboxing.
Have a pumpkin spice latte (or two. Or three.)
Go to the pumpkin patch. Carve pumpkins.
Take the boys through a corn maze.
Make the boys' Halloween costumes.
Make homemade apple cider.
Use the crock pot often. Try a new, fall inspired, recipe.

What will you be doing this season? If you care to write your own list, let me know, I'll link to it on my Soul Season page.

Dear Keaton: 2 1/2 years

2011-08-31T08:10:00.000-05:00

Dear Keaton,

As of the end of June you are now 2 ½ years old. For the first couple of years we spoke of your age in months, now it is only years. A couple of months ago we said you “will be 2 ½ in June” now you are “2 1/2 “ and in a couple of months you will be “almost 3.” This transition in the way we refer to your age makes you feel so old to me. And when I look at you, hear you speak, and see you interact with others I realize you are getting so old. No longer a baby and moving quickly away from being a toddler, you are becoming Mama’s big boy. At your 2 ½ year well visit you weighed in at 29 lbs, 15 oz. (50%), were 37 inches tall (75%), and had a head circumference of 50 ¾ cm (90%).

Your biggest development in the last six months has been in your language and talking. I just reread the letter I wrote to you after you turned two and see that at that time you were still calling a train “dee dee” I don’t even remember the last time you said that it’s been so long ago. You are talking so much these days, repeating word for word things we say to you, forming (sometimes quite long) sentences and while some words still sound funny you don’t have any “pet names” for things like you used to have for choo choo. Well, I take that back, you do still call Papa Grizz, Pa Drrr, so much so that we call him that as well. And you do still call yourself Tee, however in the past week or so you’ve started saying “Teaton” more and more. You’ve also recently started saying water instead of just wa. Some of my favorite words you say right now are boo-bury (blueberry), ca-no-ya (granola), and My-ya (Maia). While your language skills are still developing there are times when we just can’t understand what you are saying. That’s when you take us by the hand and pull us to the object saying “Tee show you.” The reaction is always the same, Ahhh! you want lettuce (or, fill in the blank with whatever it is you are looking for.) Of course, there are other words, like oriole, that roll of your tongue so easily I can’t help but stop and stare in amazement. You are becoming a little person; one we can have conversations with, right before our eyes.

You have always been a pretty independent little boy, but it has gone into overdrive lately. Everything is “Tee do by self.” Getting into your car seat, cutting your toast, pouring your juice, washing your hands, carrying large toys - you do not want any help, you want to do it all by yourself. It is hard for us to be patient with this at times, especially with the car seat, but we have to force ourselves to take a deep breath and just let you be, even if it takes an extra couple of minutes, because if we don’t the fit you will throw could split the earth in two. And really you are just learning, becoming more in tune with the world around you, so we shouldn’t stifle you because in the end an extra 2 or 3 minutes really is nothing. Of course, I’ll have to remind myself of this again the next time we go for a car ride.

I cannot talk about you at the age of 2 ½ without talking about your relationship with your brother. Oh you two, some days I don’t know what I’m going to do with you guys. The biting, pushing, hitting, screaming, it can be a little much at times. I read an article recently that said the most peaceful family dynamic is one with two girls. I about spit my water out in laughter when I read that because you know what that must mean, right? Two boys, the opposite, is probably the most unpeaceful. I can definitely attest to that. Of course I wouldn’t change our family for the world, I am so thankful to have you two boys. I am so thankful that you will grow up with a brother. After we had you your Dad and I said if we could choose we’d have another boy next, just for that very purpose, because for as much as you fight you also love each other fiercely. You play cars together, laugh at books together, and mimic each other constantly. My wish for you guys is that the bond you share now only grows deeper and deeper, that one day you will not only be brothers, but best friends.

At 2 ½ your favorite toys are anything tractor and your play chainsaw. You love to haul things in your tractors and cut trees down like Papa and Daddy. You are in the midst of potty training and every night before bed you ask for yo, or yo-yo (yogurt), with granola and berries. You love animals, your favorite bird is an oriole and you and Mama Boosh like to take walks to feed carrots to the horsey. You can count to ten but usually miss seven. You can also count in French if we help you along. You’re working on your alphabet, having mastered O and P and a few others, and your colors. Right now everything is green. You love going on tractor rides with Papa (it’s actually the lawn mower, but you don’t care) and can unhook and trailer to unload it by yourself. I was amazed the first time I saw you do this, that thing is pretty heavy. You love nature. Love it. You collect leaves and feathers and acorns and pine cones from the woods and keep them in your nature box. You know the sound of a woodpecker and grasshopper and always stop what you are doing, put your finger up, and say “Mama, woodpecker/grasshopper” when you hear one. You are curious, determined, and usually shy but also love snuggles and hugs and kisses. And thank God for that because I can’t stop squeezing you, you light up my life.

I love you little boy,
Mama

WeDay: Enjoyment amid stress

2011-08-25T10:45:00.000-05:00

It was a Saturday night, the boys had been tucked in bed and we put An Inconvenient Truth in the DVD player. I must have been under deadline stress at that time too because I remember the way it hit me, like a speeding freight train, putting it all in perspective. It was one of the scenes where Al Gore is giving a presentation and there is a picture of the earth. The cameras then pan out so you see Earth surrounded by miles and miles and miles of dark, nothingness. Well, atmosphere, but virtually nothing. As the cameras continue to pan Earth becomes smaller and smaller. It was then that I thought about my place on that earth, which is so large, but so small when you look at the vast darkness surrounding it, that I realized the stress pulling me down at this moment is beyond minor in the grand scheme of things. Deadline stress is minor in the grand scheme of things in my own life, let along the grand scheme of things on Earth, or beyond.

Of course that doesn't entirely stop me from freaking out when I have deadlines that I'm never going to hit, but once in awhile it does make me slow down, think things through, realize that missed deadlines are not the end of the world.

So it's interesting that last week, when I was further away from my deadlines and could, at that point, still potentially hit them, I was stressing through our WeDay more than I did this week - when the deadlines are here and there really is no hope. It all comes down to perspective.

I got up yesterday morning and clocked three hours of work before Collin had even left the house. Once he was gone I turned it off and spent the day with the boys. It was a simple day, one I imagine many summer days would be if we had more down-time at home together. We spent the morning playing in the basement, we met a friend downtown for lunch, we came home and slathered on the sunscreen to play outside, Keaton busy cutting down trees, Hutton learning to walk on the horseshoe pit stoppers like a balance beam. Later in the afternoon I put the boys in the stroller and walked a couple miles down the road to our neighbor's farm stand. They both fell asleep a quarter of the way into the trip and it even though it was pretty warm it was so relaxing to be outside, getting a little exercise under a crystal blue sky. We had chicken breasts and corn on the cob for dinner and then headed back outside - Collin and Keaton working on the play set, Hutton and I watering plants. Right before we made the boys come in for baths they found the sprinkler and delighted in running through it, coming in the house sopping wet.

Despite the stress I'm under right now it was really a great day. A reminder of what's important, in the grand scheme of things.

There was nothing but melted ice left in this by the time he got hold of it, but he didn't care because he was drinking WATER out of a STRAW!

All he needs is a job to do and he's happy.

WeDay: Savoring Summer

2011-08-18T12:11:00.001-05:00

My alarm went off at 5:30 am yesterday, alarms are not usually allowed on WeDay but I had missed my workouts on both Monday and Tuesday mornings and since my mom was here to help watch the boys yesterday I decided I needed to get up and run. Except when the time came I wanted to do anything but step foot out of that bed. At 6 am, after I had hit snooze a few times, the covers were suddenly ripped off of me and there stood Collin, "Get up" he said. No, I whined, I really didn't want to get out of bed. But he insisted, get up, go work out, you'll feel better. And he's right, I did feel so much better after getting out there in the cool morning breeze and getting my heart rate up. Yesterday I did some speed training. I'm determined to shave some minutes off of my race time and it felt good to go out there and really push myself rather than just run x amount of miles.

Unfortunately my early morning run didn't quite shake my crappy mood. Work is busy right now and it's going to be that way for the next two weeks at least. I realized again this week that I don't handle deadline stress very well, I let it consume me, I think of the worst possible scenarios - late nights, time away from the kids, not getting the work done. When really I should just focus on putting one foot in front of the other and trudging on, because that's what is going to get the work done, not sitting here fretting about it. It has become evident lately that I need to learn to focus, learn to put 100% to whatever task is at hand at that moment. Work during the day, the kids during the evening (and Wednesdays), the house/laundry/dishes/all that other stuff when the kids are sleeping. I need to be more present.

And so that's what I tried to do yesterday.

We had a number of errands to run in the morning, the blueberry farm to pick up some more berries for the freezer, the bank, library, and co-op. Then we were off, headed north to meet the cousins at a nearby park. We had lunch under a small tree and afterwards the kids spent the next 2+ hours climbing all over the equipment, going down the slide, playing in the mock school bus, and running the bases and sitting in the dughouse (dug-out) of the adjoining baseball field. It was sunny and hot and I had forgotten Hutt's hat so the kids were decked head to toe in sweaty sun screen but it didn't feel quite right to end our day here. So we went to the local ice cream stop for cones, shakes, and sundaes.

Last night we froze some green beans for the winter and made another batch of jam, blackberry this time. As August plows forward, seemingly picking up speed as she goes, I find myself looking forward to fall. Which made our WeDay, one in which we savored these last few bits of summer, so enjoyable.

Our Feathered Friends

2011-08-16T16:00:00.001-05:00

When we picked the boys up from Collin's parents on Sunday afternoon Keaton came running out to us, wearing nothing but his undies, screeching at the top of his lungs and running around the yard. I think he was actually happy to see us. After a couple of laps he grabbed my hand and said "Tee show you." I don't remember what he showed me first, there was a whole list of things Tee needed to show us after spending the weekend with Busha and Papa, but one item on that list was his nature box. A little box Busha has for him to keep all of the treasures he finds while they are out exploring the yard and woods. In the box there were three bird feathers and when Busha grabbed the bird book Keaton paired the feathers to their previous owners.

This child loves birds.

While Collin and I like them, Keaton's love was inspired by Busha. As a baby he'd sit in Busha's arms or propped up on the counter as they watched the birds fly in to eat from the feeder that sits right outside her kitchen window. He'd come home and talk about seeing cardinals and feeding the orioles oranges and it quickly became apparent that he knows more about birds than I do.

While many "loves" are passed down the generations, from parent to child, the love of birds in this house has been passed up. I've been so much more conscious this spring and summer about keeping our feeders full and one of the things on our spring soul season list was to place some bird houses in the yard (I believe I originally wrote it as bird feeders, but houses is what I meant to say.) Almost instantly after putting them up we had a tenant. And this spring when we peeked inside we saw that there were at about seven eggs snuggled peacefully in her nest. The new babies have since hatched and grown enough to leave the house and venture off into the woods on their own, but watching the mama swoop in to feed her littles was one of my favorite daily sights this summer.

Next year we have plans for more houses and more feeders. My wish, which was inspired by my toddler, is to create a little bird haven on our property to foster Keaton's (and now Mama's) love for our feathered fiends.

***

This is the last post I have planned for my Spring Soul Season list. Sadly, the remaining items on my list, plant an herb garden and celebrate May Day did not get completed and while we did have fresh flowers at Easter, I did not take a picture. The upside to not completing an item is that I'm very much looking forward to these things next year.

Since I skipped over my summer list I plan to post my fall list on September 1st. I spent some time on Sunday talking about and looking at fall decor with Busha and my heart is about to leap out of my chest just thinking about autumn. But there are still a couple more weeks of summer that I need to focus on first.

6 years

2011-08-13T10:00:00.001-05:00

As I pulled the clean laundry out of the dryer and started making piles of folded clothes it became absurdly clear just how much our life has changed in the last six years. Back then my main task in doing the laundry was to get the smoke smell from the bar we were at last night out of my new jeans. Now I'm trying to get blueberry stains out of a size 12-month shirt and poop stains out of 2T undies. Back then we met our friends for dinner and drinks on weeknights. Now we can pickles and make jam on weeknights. Back then we traveled to far away places to scuba dive in the ocean and discover new islands. Now we go to the zoo and ride on choo choo trains. Back then we were a couple. Now we are a family.

It's been an amazing six years. The only thing better than looking back on those memories is looking forward to new ones. Happy Anniversary, Collin. Here's to the next 6 years!

Totally random picture from our wedding day, but anyone in that limo can attest to the fact that that might have been the best 1-hour of the entire day.

On Hold until September 1st

2011-08-12T11:37:00.000-05:00

You may (or may not) have noticed that I never composed a Summer Soul Season list and that my Enjoying Today pictures have been sorely neglected. I had planned on writing a summer list; I thought through the items in my head but I never got them down on paper and I think that is because for the first time in…well..as long as I can remember, I was actually excited about summer. This year I felt myself welcoming the heat, and even the humidity, with open arms. I’m not exactly sure why, I’ve been known to hate on summer, but I think it was because the kids were at the age that we could really enjoy it. Last year I was pregnant for the month of June and Hutton was just an itty bitty baby for the remainder of the season. Though I loved, loved, loved having my maternity leave during the summer, having an infant made it difficult to enjoy all that the season offers. There was the sun and heat to consider during the day and the bugs to consider at night. While we enjoyed ourselves, we spent a lot of time indoors. This year I knew the boys would be begging to get outside. And I knew that would give us the opportunity to live and take part in this season.

We haven’t done everything on our list and in fact we haven’t done the one thing we really, really wanted to do: take the boys camping, but we’ve been enjoying these past couple of months and we have grand plans for the remainder of the season. At the request of Keaton we’ve had a number of meals outside, on the deck, picnic style. We’ve spent time at the beach and caught a baseball game. We’ve made strawberry and blueberry jam, canned pickles, and picked blackberries. We planted a garden and although it hasn’t done anything spectacular we’ve spent evenings out there together as a family weeding (were there some tense moments with children pulling and trampling plants? Yes, of course, but also good memories.) We’ve gone on walks on our running trail and bought food at the farmer’s market.

Though I look forward to fall, because fall is my favorite of the four, I can honestly say I’m not quite ready for summer to be over. I want to soak in a few more rays of sun, I want to put veggies in our freezer for winter, and I want to fire up that grill several more times. So for the next few weeks we’ll be doing just that. But once that calendar reads September 1st my mind will be on autumn, on crisp leaves and pumpkin soup and a trip to the apple orchard. And a turning of the seasons feels like the perfect time to bring back Enjoying Today and to post a new Soul Season list.

Here’s to the last few weeks of summer, may you enjoy all the season has to offer.

The ebb and flow of Motherhood

2011-08-09T17:21:00.001-05:00

Oh sweet boy, I love you so but you are my difficult child. I know it is partially due to your age, at 2 ½ you like to push the limits and test the boundaries. I know it also has to do with your personality, you’re Type A, like me, you are particular and you notice when things are out of place or out of routine. I know we just have to trudge on, that we will get through this stage.

Oh sweet boy, I love you so, you are my easy child. I know it is partially due to your age, at 2 ½ you can understand our requests, we can reason with you and you comprehend the consequences. I know it also has to do with your personality, you’re Type A, like me, you’re a rule-follower and like things in order. I love this stage!

Oh sweet boy, I love you so but you are my difficult child. I know it is partially due to your age, at 1 you aren’t able to fully communicate your wishes and desires. I know it also has to do with your personality, you are intent and determined and a little wild. You are no wall-flower, you want to be noticed and heard. I know we just have to trudge on, that we will get through this stage.

Oh sweet boy, I love you so, you are my easy child. I know it is partially due to your age, at 1 you just want someone to play peek-a-boo or patty-cake with. I know it also has to do with your personality, you’re a little crazy, you have fun and smile and laugh and giggle at everyone you see. And you love to cuddle. I love this stage!

**

Difficult, easy. Easy, difficult. The ebb and flow of motherhood. It changes in this house daily. Nay, hourly. Sometimes I love these ages and stages so much my heart could just explode. Sometimes these ages and stages are so difficult my head could explode. The only thing predictable is that tomorrow will be a new day, new blessings and new challenges. And we will continue on, learning how to navigate though the tough times, wishing we could hit the pause button during the easy times.

WeDay: Blueberry Edition

2011-08-04T15:19:00.000-05:00

The note in my Central Wisconsin Farmfresh Atlas says that the blueberry season usually starts in July until mid-August. While some of the produce is late this year due to the chilly spring temps we had, blueberries seem to be right about on track (although when we asked how much longer they'd be open they told us two, maybe three, more weeks - so maybe they too are a little behind.)

We're lucky enough to have a blueberry farm right down the road from us, within walking distance. From the end of our driveway it is 0.9 miles to be exact - by crossing the road to the first telephone pole I hit my two-mile running route.

There is a big sign in front of the farm that notes the next picking dates. For the past couple of weeks I've seen the dates come up and down and I knew if Mimi and I wanted to take the boys to pick we better do it soon.

So yesterday we loaded them into the stroller and wagon and made our way down to the patch. It was supposed to be cooler, less humid, but standing in an open field under the midday sun it was anything but cool or less humid.

But that didn't stop us from picking and picking and filling our buckets.

Hutton spent the first half of the trip sleeping in the shade...

...while Keaton ran up and down the rows, bucket in hand.

Keaton also did a lot of running through the rows, which resulted in more than one time out. I guess that's the beauty of still shots, they look so serene and pretty. The don't capture the Mama's anxiety about the bushes her young one is trampling or the frustration of his lack of listening with his ears.

Looking at these I just remember how he was giggling as he ran up and down, up and down, and would stop every now and then to put a berry in Mimi's basket. And I suppose that's all I really want to remember.

Hutton did finally wake up and when he did he went straight to work.

And by work I mean shoveling blueberries in his mouth by the hand full.

He didn't even stop to chew. I know this because I changed his diaper.

Finally, an hour or so in, we decided to call it quits and head out to lunch. We hauled our berries in, had them weighed, and put all 13+ pounds in the wagon where Keaton ate them one after another on our walk home.

The rest of the afternoon/evening was spent sorting and cleaning. Putting some aside for Busha and making blueberry crisp. The remainder of our blueberries will be made into jam, muffins, pancakes, and a good many will be put in the freezer so we can enjoy our "booburys" all winter long.

Dear Hutton: 12 Months

2011-08-02T18:21:00.000-05:00

Dear Hutton,

I can hardly believe this buddy, but you are officially one year old. I remember racing to the hospital on that Monday morning and swearing at all the early-morning commuters who were leisurely making their way into work. I remember stepping out of the car when we finally made it into the parking lot, looking down and realizing you had dropped so far that I asked your Daddy if you were still in there. I remember your Daddy whispering to me that “it’s a boy!” and feeling my heart explode. A boy. A son. A brother. It felt so right. I remember this all so vividly that it absolutely blows my mind that it was a whole year ago.

You melded into our family so seamlessly that it felt like you had always been there; an extension of us that we just hadn’t known yet. And I suppose in so many ways that’s exactly what it was. What it is. You were a part of us even before you were born, before you were conceived. God had a plan for our family and you were always in it. Just thinking that makes my heart explode all over again.

The first year of life is so amazing to me. The development and personality explosion that takes place this year will never be replicated. Sure, you’ll continue to growth and change, but nothing like in the last 12 months. Your biggest milestone this month is that you started walking. You had been taking a number of steps last month but two days before your actual birthday, on the afternoon of your birthday party, you officially started walking. You are so thrilled to be independent and if you could I know you’d give your Auntie CaS a big kiss and hug to say Thank you for holding your hands so much that afternoon while you tooled around the yard until you finally just got it and took off.

While you love the freedom that mobility brings, (and I should point out that your Daddy and I love it too, some people dread the walking phase but we look forward to it, prefer it actually) you still love to be cuddled and held; especially when you are tired. When I try to put you down during these times you suspend your legs at waist height and cling to my shoulder. When we finally pick you back up you lay your head down and melt into our shoulders, wrapping your arms around our necks. The response from your holder is always the same; we cradle your head in our hands and whisper awww! because really, it is about the sweetest thing ever.

For as much of a sweetheart as you are, you are equal parts stinker. You like to throw and bang things, just to hear how much racket you can make. You’re a daredevil, climbing on everything to see how high you can get. And when you’re not getting your way you scream. This loud, ear-piercing scream that is so annoying. I’m sorry buddy, but it is. And it’s also embarrassing when we are in public. While there are many things that will make me sad when you stop doing them, I actually look forward to the day that this little development ends.

At 12-months you still have six teeth (four on top, two on bottom) and we’re just waiting for the day that some more break through. Your first word was ball, which is not surprising as you have always loved them. You love climbing up on Daddy's tractor and you still hate sitting still to read books or get your diaper changed. While the bathtub is filling you swing your little leg up onto the side in attempt to get in by yourself and you form a perfect circle with your mouth and make this adorable little ooooh sound when you are excited. You’re still nursing and I’m so proud of us for making it all the way to one year, a goal that I wasn’t positive we’d be able to achieve, but at dinner time you are a big boy, using your own plate and silverware. You still shove most of the food in with your hand but you love hanging onto spoon like you mean business.

A year ago we didn’t know if you were a girl or a boy. We didn’t know what life as a family of four would bring. Today I can’t imagine it any other way. You have brought us so much joy, little boy. I love you with all my heart and I look forward to what the next year will bring.

Eskimo kisses,
Mama

*Pictures in this post were taken by CaSondra Shim Photography.*

Vacation 2011: Lumberjack Steam Train

2011-08-01T16:42:00.000-05:00

If my memory serves me correctly, children under the age of four were not allowed in the NICU. I believe it was four for siblings, 13 for non-siblings, but I could be mistaken. Either way, Keaton was definitely too young to come inside the big grey doors that only swung open when one of the hospital staff granted a visitor access to the locked off halls, to see his baby brother. So every night for that week when Collin or Busha would arrive with Keats in tow I would come out and spend time with him in the family waiting room while everyone else went in to spend some time with Hutt. There were toys in there, a dollhouse, chalkboard, books, and cars. And a train set.

Keaton instantly fell in love with that train set and he would build, tear apart, and rebuild the track numerous times each visit. When he couldn't get the puzzle like pieces to fit to his liking he'd hold it up to me, rather impatiently, and ask for my help. At the end of each visit it was a battle of the wills to get him to put the trains down and pack up to head home. I think this was partially due to the fact that he loved that train (he is still like this with sets in public places) and partially due to the fact that his world had been turned upside down - mom was no longer coming home at nights, we weren't spending any time together as a family - and he was acting out because he was confused.

It was June 2010, he was 18 months old, and it was the first toy/thing he really showed an interest in. I mean, he played with his toys at home just fine, but from that week forward the boy was in love with trains. So much so that before the summer was over we knew what Santa would be bringing for Christmas, in October he was a conductor for Halloween, and in January we celebrated his 2nd birthday with a train-themed party.

So it's not surprising to me that the day trip Pa Drr planned over vacation to the Laona Lumberjack Steam Train was a huge hit.

Keaton has ridden on a couple of small trains like the one at the zoo, but this was a real train. A steam engine that ran on coal and had a whistle and a conductor that yelled All Aboard! and took our tickets.

We rode the train through the woods to Camp5, the location of an old logging camp that is now a museum.

We had packed a picnic lunch for our trip so after our 20 min ride we found some picnic tables and the grownups ate while the kids mostly played on the swing set and slides.

The camp has a number of different things you can see and do. Unfortunately, we didn't have time to do them all but since we plan on making a return trip no one minded too much. After lunch we headed first into the old barn and petting yard.

There were a number of different farm animals, chickens, cats, bunnies, goats, horses, pigs, cows, etc. Some of them were a little to nosey for my liking (I'm looking at you, donkey and you, pony) but this little guy was a sweetheart. Definitely my favorite of the bunch.

After the barn we headed into the museum where we saw the blacksmiths pounding and shaping iron. We made a special request for four letters: a J, two H's, and a K, which will go on the wall in the kids room at the cabin.

In the back of the museum there was a replica cook shanty and bunk house. This was definitely my favorite part. I love learning about and seeing "the olden days." As kids, my parents took us to a number of different historical sites and houses and museums. I love walking through them and imagining myself living in those days; making food from scratch, knitting/sewing/making our clothes, raising animals and growing vegetables in the garden. I know those days were hard, in a lot of ways harder than our days, but they seem to have been simpler. In this fast-paced, corporate world that I find myself in now, the thing I crave most is simplicity.

Collin loved learning so much about logging in Wisconsin. While the kiddos loved the train ride, Keaton's favorite display was the chainsaws. This will not surprise his grandpas.

Tee cut tree down!

There were two trains left for the day and while we'd planned on taking the later of the two we would have been the only ones left at Camp 5, so we jumped on the earlier train and rode back through the woods to the station.

A great family trip. One I'm excited to go on again in the years to come.

Vacation 2011: A recap

2011-07-25T17:24:00.000-05:00

Do you remember returning to your college dorm after a holiday break at home spent relaxing with family and friends; staying up too late talking or playing cards and drinking some wine, doing everything but thinking of deadlines and projects and your internship? You just get back, your car loaded with clean laundry and stocked with new food that you are busy putting away. You're not really thinking about anything in particular, just busying yourself with the task at hand, and out of seemingly nowhere you squint your eyes, your throat closes up and you just want to bawl?

That happened to me last night.

Vacation is over. For a week it felt like the world was put on pause just for our family to enjoy. We had a really great time but all to quickly we are back to the grindstone; back to projects and deadlines and a house to clean and dinner menu's to plan and a yard and garden to mow and weed. I wasn't thinking about all of that as I was standing at the kitchen counter unloading bags. I wasn't thinking of anything, really. Out of the blue it just hit me and I was sad. After spending the week surrounded by family our little unit of four seemed so...small.

Within a couple of days we'll be back to our old routine, which will be both welcome and hated. Our Summer Vacation will slowly fade from reality to memories. Thankfully there are a lot of good memories to hold us through until next year.

This past week we got away and relaxed. We took a couple of day trips - Jim Peck's and a train ride in Laona (post to come) - we saw a water ski show and went swimming at the beach (almost daily.) Keaton caught a turtle and played with his cousin non-stop, I snuck in as much reading as possible, Collin did a little fishing, Hutton ate a lot of sand and got to pet some new animals. After the kids were in bed we spent a few evenings having some drinks and playing some cards. I'm happy to report that the Girls won Euchre 2011!! Oh yeah, put it in the books, woot woot! Kira and I snuck away, or, as the guys call it, "checked-out" for an afternoon and visited a local bookstore and the cutest little coffee shop. That was the hottest day of the week, which was a hot, hot, HOT, week and in one word I'd call it "splendid." It was some much, much needed girl time. The boys also got to "check-out" a couple of days later to go fishing.

I wish I would have taken my camera out more and had the chance to go kayaking, but thankfully there will be plenty more trips to the cabin. Plenty more trips that I'm already day-dreaming about.

Vacation 2011: Wildwood Wildlife Park

2011-07-21T22:53:00.001-05:00

Next summer, if you're wondering when to expect the heat wave just ask us which week we've scheduled our family vacation. We seem to have a knack for picking the hottest week of the season. This week has been hot, hot, hot and without air in the cabin the afternoons have been....well...kinda miserable. But with the exception of last night the evenings have been nice and we've been making the most of the days with frequent trips to the beach and playing outside in the kiddy pool.

On Tuesday we packed the kids up and headed to Jim Peck's Wildwood Wildlife Park. Collin and I both have memories of going here when we were kids. While many of the places we went to back then have closed, Jim Peck's is still open and going strong.

What I remember most about our trips as kids is petting the deers and porcupines. Now the first animal you see when walking in are the goats. And those little buggers are hungry.

The best part of Jim Peck's is that you can get up close with the animals and there is a big variety of animals. There are farm animals like goats, bunnies and chickens.

And Northwoods animals like bears, deer, and wolves.

And you can feed them. The bears get special Bear Juice and the deer will eat pellets out of your hand.

We were reminded through that these are wild animals when two bucks got into a tiff right in front of us. Actually, so close to Collin that he was almost in the middle of it. While holding Hutt. We moved past the deer at that point.

There are also "zoo" animals like monkeys, a camel, zebra, and tigers.

Can you see the little monkey in the window?

And then there are the prairie dogs, with the life size prairie dog tunnel. Like last year's trip, this was probably the highlight for the boys.

I totally want a prairie dog!

The last place we stopped was in the bird house, where you can feed the birds a stick of seeds. Hutton loved the birds and cried when we wouldn't let him touch them. Keaton, my bird lover, was a little more hesitant.

We finished the morning with a train ride for the big boys before heading to Paul Bunyan's for lunch.

Eating at Paul Bunyan's is like stepping back in time, eating family-style meals on bench tables off of tin plates and cups.

We had a great morning and we came home for an afternoon jaunt to the beach, floating in the water and watching the speedboats. Ahhh, vacation.

On Vacation

2011-07-15T18:46:00.000-05:00

For the next week we'll be...

Spending time with family

Playing in the sand

Going to the beach

Reading on the dock

Catching some rays

Listening to the loons

Exploring new places

Enjoying vacation

I may pop in with some pictures from time to time. Otherwise, see you in a week!

WeDay: The Good and The Bad

2011-07-14T17:13:00.000-05:00

Every day has its moments. Good moments and bad moments. Moments that are almost instantly forgotten, moments that will fade with time, moments that leave a permanent mark in our minds. In so many ways yesterday was just an ordinary day; an ordinary day full of a lot of little moments. Let's start with the bad, shall we...

Bad

Had to wake up to my alarm at 5:30 am. One of my WeDay rules is no alarms, but I had work that I didn't finished the night before that needed to be sent by 8 am. So up and out of bed I got.
A biting incident. Papa has been giving Keaton a new truck to take home every night. They are special trucks and ones The Baby probably shouldn't be playing with. Hutton had the coca-cola truck, there was some yells of No Baby! No Baby! I heard a squabble, I ran in the room just in time to see Keaton holding the truck and Hutton holding Keaton's arms and sinking his teeth right into his forearm. Yes. Hutton bit Keaton. Keaton cried, it was actually a pretty good bite. But honestly, it might have also been a pretty good lesson.
A cry of Oh No! Just as we were getting ready to leave. One look gave me my answer, a potty accident, on the stairs.
Target. Keaton likes to walk and because Hutt is in the cart it's easier for me if he walks. But yesterday he took off, peeked around the jewelry aisle, smiled, and then went the other way. I waited for a bit and then went to look for him, which is not easy when trying to maneuver a cart. He was gone. I looked back and forth, around this way and that. No sight of him. Finally I heard someone call for down the main aisle to the sales clerk that this little boy was lost. I went out there but he was running back to the bird seed aisle (where we had just been). I couldn't get to him quick enough and down another aisle he went. Finally. Finally I got him to stop. I picked him up and his lip was quivering, tears about to stream down this face. It was scary. For both of us.
Got the kids to library hour (early!) and played with all the toys until story time started. Hutton was not pleased about having to leave the toy area and let out not one, but TWO blood curdling screams as I carried him to story time. Embarrassing about sums it up.
Kids fell asleep on the way home. I didn't even attempt a car seat to crib transfer and decided to let Hutt nap in his seat. Said nap lasted about 15 minutes then he woke up and refused to go back to sleep unless he was being held. For the next 2 hours.
Trying to make dinner with Hutt in his highchair who was ticked to be stuck up there. There was alot of crying/whining/screaming.
Keaton pouring out my reserved cooking liquid that I needed for the pasta. Me yelling at Keaton. The look on his face when I realized how ridiculous I was being and bent down to give him a hug and apologize. Him talking to himself 5 minutes later reenacting the scene. Under his breath: Mama says NOOOOOOO! (That was actually kinda funny too, but also sad, because this kid, he internalizes everything.)
Getting bit while nursing. A bite that drew blood. Lots. I sat there for 15 minutes afterwards with throbbing pain trying not to cry. All while the baby slept. He didn't even realize he did it. And he was not happy when I refused the boob in the middle of the night, but I'll tell you what kid, I'm a little scared of you and your teeth.

But, like most days, the Good outweighed the Bad:

Going to Story Hour for the first time! Playing with all the toys: the tunnel,the legos, the train set, the house, the trucks. The boys were in heaven there, they would have stayed all day if I had let them.

Hutton waking up from his nap and me having to hold him meant I got to sit down with a book for 2 hours.
When Keaton woke up from his nap he joined us on the couch and we snuggled and read another dozen books until Hutt finally woke up. It was so sweet and while we were laying there I couldn't help but think, this? This is perfect.
Keaton dancing in the car to Katy Perry.
Starbucks.
Buttery Shrimp & Radish Pasta (Try it!! So good.)

Jam is restocked.

This and That

2011-07-12T14:00:00.005-05:00

This weekend I finally declared defeat and decided to get someone in here to help clean the house. I bitched and moaned about how I just. can't. do. it. anymore. Collin is on board. I have the number of someone I know and trust. But I'm too chicken shit to actually make the call. I hate telephone talking! So instead I've been busting my ass in the evenings/whenever the kids are semi entertained to try to get a lot done. I don't want to leave this house a mess before we take off on vacation. So far, I've cleaned the mudroom and kitchen, quickly vacuumed, and worked on laundry. There is still so much to do.

Speaking of vacation, why does there have to be so much pre-trip work? And post-trip work? I hate that part of it. Keaton needs a haircut, Hutton needs a pair of shoes, our car needs a new battery, bills need to be paid, we need to get some cash from the bank, I need to pick up a book from the library, we need to line up someone to come water plants and feed the cat. Oh, and packing. And the cleaning clothes to pack. And the Target runs. And the making sure Maia has her tick medicine on. The List! It goes on and on and on.

On Saturday Collin and I each took a kid to run errands. Keaton chose to come with me to get an oil change,Target, the bank, the post office, the farmer's market, Starbucks, and the meat market. He was a great companion except for the fit he threw when I tried to get him back in his car seat after the oil change. While we were inside paying our bill a brand new Cadillac Escalade pulled up and left me about 3 inches of space to squeeze him in the car. The guy had his window down and asked if I needed him to move over but I said no, we were fine. And that's when the fit throwing began. Because he wanted to climb up into the seat himself. But there wasn't room for him to do that and me stand behind him with the door open to make sure he didn't fall. So he screamed and thrashed and I tried calming to get him to settle down all the while I just wanted to yell, Don't you dare fucking hit that new Caddy!!! (with the owner inside!) Then after the meat market I accidentally pinched his leg with the belt buckle. Still, when I asked him who you was going to go with next time, Mommy or Daddy, he said Mama. It was probably because of Starbucks. Kid loves him some Iced Caramel Macchiato.

The rest of our Saturday was spent going to a birthday party. Except when we got there there were no cars and the garage door was shut. Collin immediately looked at me and said "Bender?" I called Tanya and guess what! birthday party was on Sunday. Opps. We were only 23 hours early. Notice we weren't 24 hours early, oh God no, we were an hour late, but 23 hours early. So instead we came home and made dinner and after baths we made popcorn and watched Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel.

Because we just had our carpets cleaned before Hutton's birthday party we instituted a new rule: popcorn has to stay on the green blanket. And you have to have your hands washed before leaving the green blanket. Keaton was very good at following the rules. Hutton, on the other hand. More than once I uttered, I realize you're only one, but this rule applies to you too! And then he ran away from me with fistfuls of popcorn giggling up a storm.

Speaking of Hutton' birthday, I'm in the process of writing his 12-month post and there will be a birthday party post to come but I hired a professional photographer (Auntie Cas!) to take pictures at the party (and do his one-year shots) because I never have time to man the camera during the parties, so I'm waiting to get those before finalizing the posts.

I took these pictures of Keaton wearing Collin's shoes back in April, I think. His hair looks so dark in them. It has really lightened up in the sun.

Vacation Journaling: 4th of July weekend at the Cabin

2011-07-08T17:50:00.001-05:00

Saturday, July 2nd

Our trip was postponed until this morning even though we were packed and actually on the road last night. We hadn't made it into town yet when I realized we'd forgotten the pack-n-play, we turned around and Collin ran in the house to grab it and when he opened the hatch to put it in the car Maia jumped out and refused to get back in. It was so hot and humid and the air in our car is not working - I think she made the right call.

When we finally arrived this afternoon it was just in time for naps, which was perfect because Mimi & Pa Grizz had to go to Three Lakes to see some family and when they got back the boys were up and ready to hit the beach. We walked over to Lake Mildred, which was packed with people and dogs and boats, and for the first time in years I got in the water and swam with the boys. I'm not much of a water person, it's usually too cold for my liking, but getting in and splashing around with them was so much fun.

On our walk back Mom and Collin were up ahead pushing the stroller and carrying a wet Keaton. I lagged behind carrying a beach towel wrapped Hutton who was wiped and had his head on my shoulder. As Dad caught up to us he started making bird calls - I remember him doing this to Justin and I when we were young and us imitating any call he made. Hutt sprung up to see where the sound was coming from and Keaton yelled from up ahead "More Pa Drr! More!" It was the favorite part of my day.

Sunday, July 3rd

Race day. Today Collin and I ran our first 5K together, the St. Germain Freedom 5K. It's my first race back after having Hutton and like any race in the past it fueled my desire to keep running, get stronger, improve my time. Before I started training my goal time was 30 minutes. After running my first 3 mile route I knew there was no way I'd hit that. So I readjusted. 35 minutes. I finished in 34 50 something, just under my goal time. I'm happy. And I'm even happier that I crossed #23 off of my Life List.

We had planned on staying in town for the 4th of July parade but I forgot to pack hats and sunscreen for the boys and they were pooped after being forced awake at 6:30 this morning, so instead we headed home with a stop at Hoggie Doggies for lunch and ice cream.

During naps I sat on the dock and soaked in some rays. When the boys woke up we headed back to the beach. I could get used to this life.

Monday, July 4th

There is nothing relaxing about leaving day. It's like the anti-vacation. Although we weren't on any sort of time schedule, we slept in and took naps and generally enjoyed the day, all of that was overshadowed by the hassle of tearing off the bed linens, collecting all the dirty clothes, packing everything back up in the car while also watching two active little boys and trying to re-sweep and do dishes and clean counters. I hate leaving day. For so many reasons.

**
We are heading back to the cabin for our (whole) family vacation in 7 days. We're all so excited.

WeDay: Strawberry Style

2011-07-07T11:13:00.000-05:00

Kind of. Sort of. Okay, not really. But that was our plan!

With the recent crazy weather strawberry season came late around these parts. While they are usually ripe and ready to be picked by Father's Day weekend this year it wasn't until the week after - right in time for birthday party craziness in this house. Last week came and went so fast as we were trying to pick up from the party (still not all the way complete) and get ready for the holiday weekend at the cabin that I had no time to run to the patch to even buy some pre-picked berries. On Friday before we left town Collin stopped at the little stand at the end of our road and bought a quart, which were good eating, but not near enough to restock our freezer of jam. So that was my plan for yesterday, find some strawberries and have the boys help me make jam.

Just one little problem, a lot of the patches are all out of berries. The one place I think we might have been able to find some closed at noon; the boys and I napped from 11 to almost 1 pm, by the time we got there the gate was shut.

So after running errands we stopped at the little veggie stand down the road and got some fresh peas and another quart of berries. We couldn't make our jam but we did slice up a cup of berries and made strawberry smoothies. The next best thing, I suppose.

We rounded out the day with dinner on the grill and sweet corn on the cob. It wasn't from around here (corn is going to be late this year, too) but it was actually pretty good. Afterwards we did a little work on the garden. Collin and I weeded/planted while the boys trampled and pulled. It was...a little stressful. But they loved playing in the dirt and I'm hoping as the plants grow they will learn to appreciate the work.

WeDay

2011-06-30T17:03:00.000-05:00

We've been having some issues with Keaton lately. I think it's just normal 2-year-old-stuff, but I don't want to pass it off as that and look back in two years and think, damn, we could see it back then, why didn't we nip it in the bud when we had a chance?

It's mostly over toys. Holy Mother of God is this child possessive. And he has a temper. It's like a monster bursting out from inside of him. It gurgles around in his tummy until it boils up and up and then comes shooting out of his mouth in a ball of fire. I know this all to well because I also have this monster. Except fire isn't the form of aggression. For me it's yelling, hateful words, sometimes throwing things and slamming doors. For Keaton it's shoving, hitting, kicking, even biting.

I've been talking to Busha about what we should do, right now our form of discipline is time-out. This child is nothing but a type-A, rule-follower. I tell him to go to time-out and he almost always gets up without complaint, walks to his corner, sits there until I tell him he can get up, tells me exactly what he did to deserve said time-out, apologizes and hugs his brother. I mean, Supper Nanny would be pleased. But! that doesn't stop him from being aggressive/possessive the next time Hutton touches one of his toys - even if it's only 30 seconds later.

I've considered spanking but nothing about that feels right to me and something about it tells me it would backfire on us. The thing is, 90% of the time he is a really good kid. He loves to help out around the house, last night he carried a garbage can to the curb all by his 2-and-a-half-year-old-self, he'll hold Hutton's hand and walk around with him and read books together. But if Hutt touches his toys, he snaps.

Last weekend Keaton and our nephew were playing in the sandbox together when a toy gotten taken away from him (I think, I wasn't actually there) and Keaon pinched/scratched him so hard our nephew had blood on his arm. It's one thing for him to do this to Hutton, not that it's okay but it makes dealing with it on our end easier. It's another when he does it to other people's kids. After this incident I was in the kitchen talking to my mom and Amanda and pondering what I'm doing wrong as a mother that is causing him to act like this?

It hit me pretty quickly, I'm not spending enough time with him. And I'm not patient enough with him.

Will getting down on the floor and playing tractors or calmly disciplining make these behaviors magically go away? No, I'm naive, but even I know that won't be the case. But could it help? Could being more attentive and patient make him more loving and patient? Can I teach by example that snapping is not the answer? Yes. I think so.

Yesterday was Wednesday, a day that is supposed to be about spending time with the boys. I haven't been good about this lately. Too often I'm frantically trying to clean and getting upset with them for being underfoot or making more messes. Now that Hutton's birthday party is over and we won't be having guests any time soon, I'm making a conscious decision to make Wednesday what it should be. A day about us. WeDay (I loved all the suggestions but this seems to be the name and reminder that I need the most right now.)

I had so much fun with the boys last summer while I was on maternity leave, and I want to get back to that happy place with them so badly. Thankfully yesterday our plans had been made in advance, picnic and swimming at the park with friends.

We had such a good day. Were there breakdowns? Timeouts? Yes. There were plenty. But I remained calm. I didn't yell or snap. And after spending 12 full hours together, at bedtime the boys were fighting over who got to lay closer to me. As a mother, that's one fight I don't mind seeing.

One Year Ago Today

2011-06-28T11:58:00.000-05:00

One year ago today I woke in the wee hours of the morning with contractions.

One year ago today we sped to the hospital and I cursed at all the early morning commuters.

One year ago today I asked your Daddy "what is it?" after the first push and he told me "it's a head."

One year ago today your Daddy looked down at me and whispered "it's a boy!" and everything about that statement felt right in my heart.

One year ago today I touched your little hands and held you skin-to-skin, and could no longer imagine my life without you.

One year ago today you came into this world. Our family grew by one, but our hearts grew by one million.

Happy 1st Birthday, Hutton Andrew!

More pictures from his birthday party this weekend to come!

Wet

2011-06-21T22:50:00.000-05:00

Today is Summer Solstice. The official start to summer. The longest day of sunlight.

Although I haven't finished up all of my spring posts yet I thought it would be a perfect day to post my Summer Soul Season list. Have you been working on your list? I'll admit mine is solely in my head at this point; I have not written anything down on paper.

I got up this morning and started working at 4:30 am because I had a 10 am deadline to meet (I mostly met it and will have another deadline next week that I'm already starting to fret over/dread.) About 4:45 am the storms started rolling in.

Big boomers of thunder and lighting strikes that were so large and so bright I could clearly see the neighbors house way across the road. Collin got up to check the weather channel to make sure we shouldn't be in the basement.

The rain and storms continued off and on all throughout the day. Everything is wet. Usually anything under the covered part of our deck is protected, but not today. The table, the chair cushions, even the rugs that were freshly washed and hanging to dry. Wet.

It reminded me of these pictures I took of Keaton a few weeks ago.

I'm pretty sure he was explicitly told not to go by the sprinklers, lest he get wet.

Obviously I'm still new at this parenting gig. I'm still learning that if you don't want a toddler to do something the last thing you should do is tell them not to do it.

He didn't realize I was watching him this whole time. He thought he was being sneaky, getting away with a little mischievousness.

He has a lot to learn at his young age. Most importantly, Mommy sees everything.

But I didn't have the heart to stop him. Do you see that smile?

We don't see that much out of our very serious, hard-working, always has a task to complete, little boy.

So even though he was getting wet, I let him play. And when he came up to us smiling, laughing, sopping wet, I smiled too.

Curling up with a good book

2011-06-16T18:02:00.001-05:00

Reading

Biking

Running

Kayaking

Gardening

Camping

Traveling

Years ago, when I was interviewing for internships and potential jobs the prospective employer asked a number of questions about my schooling and related work experience. Then they'd asked about my strengths and weaknesses and sometimes provide a hypothetical situation in which I would have to describe my course of action. And almost inevitably they would ask about my hobbies. Things I liked to do outside of school and work. With the exception of gardening, I added that in the past few years, these are the things I'd typically list.

If I think about the things I like to do for pleasure today these items still top my list. The thing is, I don't actually do any of these items very often (with the exception of running, which I have started to do regularly again.) It's not because I don't want to; it's because I rarely have the time to. When the kids are playing nicely together or have finally gone down to bed at night I spend my time frantically trying to switch/fold loads of laundry or put the dishes away or clean the crumbs and greasy hand prints off of the table from dinner. There is never enough time to get done the things I should be doing (my floors are disgusting!), let alone do the things I want to be doing.

At the beginning of this year I set some personal goals for myself and one of them had to do with reading. In my Spring Soul Season list I included 'read two books.' I've been making a point to read almost daily. Never much, usually just a chapter here, a few pages there, most often before bed. I forgot how much I love this past time. How much I need this past time, this escape. In May some friends and I started a book club and I'm happy to say I read both of those books I set out to finish this spring.

Photo from Amazon.com

The Help by Katherine Stockett was recommended to me by Amanda. I loved this book and I knew I was going to love it on page 1. I was immediately sucked into the South, the characters, and the time in history. Although I felt like the end was a bit rushed and I wanted just a little more out of it, I still gave it 5 stars. I have a feeling I'll be thinking of these ladies for awhile and I'm looking forward to hearing that the author has released a new novel.

Photo from Amazon.com

Our first book club book was Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult. I've only read one other Picoult book so I was looking forward to this. Overall I liked the story; I was chugging through it because I wanted to know how things would play out. But I didn't have a great connection with the characters and didn't "feel" a lot of the relationships. Among our book club ladies I think I can safely say we all thought it was a bit lacking and felt a bit forced. I originally gave it four stars on Goodreads but just changed it to three. I'd still read another by this author, but I didn't love this.

I'm currently reading Mudbound by Hillary Jordan and I have a number of books in my "to-read" pile. It feels good to reclaim this hobby.

P.S. I'd take any and all reading suggestions!

Dear Hutton: 11 Months

2011-06-15T16:50:00.003-05:00

Dear Hutton,

When I was pregnant with your brother a parenting site I was reading asked if I were to describe my baby in one word, what would it be? For Keaton I chose inquisitive, which he has been since day one. For you, I chose spitfire. During the first few months after your birth I wondered if my instincts had been wrong; with the exception of your hernia you were just a laid back, let things roll off your back, baby. In the past several weeks it has become obvious that my declaration of you way back when you were still in my belly was spot on. At 11-months, you are our little spitfire.

The main reason I picked this word to describe you while I was still pregnant was because during your brother’s bedtime routine, after bath, after teeth brushing, but before lights were turned out we would sit in the glider and read bedtime stories. Without fail as soon as we were settled in and reading you started kicking. But not just any kicking, kicking your brother. It was as if you were saying, hey, move over, I’m here and want to listen too. Having an older brother is delightful in so many ways, unfortunately with the good comes the bad and you have had your fair share of toys taken away from you, seats stolen, and attention grabbed. Up until recently you were pretty laissez faire about this, but not anymore. You are done being pushed around by your brother and you’re putting your foot down. Now when he takes a toy from you, you take it right back. You grab his arm, neck, hair, whatever is within your reach, and you put up a fight. You also scream. And I’m not talking a cry, I’m-not-getting-my-way scream, I mean a from your belly, I am angry, give-me-that-toy-back-right-now-or-else, sort of scream. There’s usually some arm swinging involved as well and I’m just waiting for the day that you start stomping your foot.

For as feisty and sassy as you are, you are equal parts lovey dovey, snuggly wuggly. You love to be held and carried around on a hip and you have a way of melting right into our shoulders, smiling and tucking your head into the nape of our necks as if you are being shy, but really you’re just very, very happy. While Mama is still you favorite (and I’m perfectly fine with that buddy, that never, ever has to change!) you seem to have finally grown out of your aversion to being held by men, specifically your Daddy and Grandpas, and I know they are extremely happy about this. There was once a time when we handed you to one of your Grandpas and you would start crying, instantly stopping as soon as Mama or one of your Grandmas took you back. This past weekend I was holding you and Papa walked up to us and you actually reached out for him. It made me so happy to see this and it made Papa glow.

You’ve been on the move for awhile now, I wouldn’t say you crawl as fast as your brother, Lightening McKeat, but you get around with no problems, crawling, cruising the furniture, and going up and down the stairs (you learned down this month.) While you’re not yet walking you have taken several unassisted steps between your Daddy and me or between us and the furniture, and you can stand with no help for a good 30 seconds or so. But the thing that has become most obvious this month was pointed out to me by your Auntie Kira. I’m not sure why I didn’t notice it before but while we were at her house having a play date a few weeks ago you were all over the place, trying to get up on the table and into the cabinets. She looked at me and said “he is going to be your climber.” Yes, she hit the nail on the head. You climb on everything. And you scale things to get to where you want to be. It makes me a bit nervous because I have a feeling we have some tumbles coming in the future but it makes sense because we believe you are going to be an adventurist when you get older, rock climbing, sky diving, scuba diving, we can see you doing it all.

At 11 months you love to babble and ‘mama’ has become your favorite sound. You love bath time, which is in stark contrast to those early months, and will stand on the side of the tub begging to get in. You usually bathe with your brother but in the rare chances you have the tub to yourself you like to kick your legs out and lay on your belly in the water. You have six teeth (four on top, two on bottom) and have stopped eating purees. You are a big boy now with a plate to yourself and you like to eat. There isn’t much you’ve turned down or that we haven’t tired. Your new favorite thing is popcorn. I would have never given it to you this early but you got your little mitts in that bowl and surprisingly ate it with no problem. You’re not a fan of reading books but you like to play with balls, cars, blocks, and the vacuum cleaner. When you’re tired you arch your back and scream bloody murder. When we take something away from you and your mad you squeal and sound, I kid you not, just like a little pig.

We’re in the midst of planning your first birthday party and I cannot believe this year has gone by so quickly. The only consolation of these days going by is that we have so many more to spend together, learning new things and making new memories. I love you with all my heart my little piglet.

Love,
Mama

Weekend-ing

2011-06-14T18:30:00.000-05:00

Things I did not do this weekend:

Spring clean our dining room.
Or even just clean the very disgustingly dirty dining room floor.
Clean the basement in preparation for Hutton's birthday party.
Make the pasta salad for Collin's family reunion.
Package the new baby gifts for two friends and get them in the mail.
Schedule Keaton's haircut.
Run 3 miles on Saturday, according to our training plan.
Eat healthy.
Vacuum the popcorn kernels off the living room floor.
Finish Hutton's 11-month post.
Work on my project, which has a deadline of tomorrow at noon.

Things I did do this weekend:

Enjoyed hanging out with and talking to Collin's cousins and other relatives at the family reunion.
Bought the pasta salad and stuck it in a bowl to a least look nice.
Received, addressed, and mailed Hutton's 1st birthday party invites.
Exchanged and returned Busha's Mother's Day gift (crocs.)
Watched Yogi Bear (it was just okay) with the boys and ate popcorn that Collin and Keaton made (it was great.)
Made homemade blueberry pancakes with Keaton's help on Sunday morning. Tee got to stir, stir, stir.
Planted our garden (Collin did most of the work here, I really just planted.)
Cleaned the kitchen.
Went for a Sunday night bike ride and followed behind Collin so I could watched the boys hit each other, honk each others noses, and laugh together in the trailer.
Had a nice chat with Amanda.

What did/didn't you do this weekend?

A Perfect Summer Day

2011-06-07T14:10:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days, be it spring, summer, winter, or fall, that completely embodies everything about that season? A day you'd like to hit the record button on and then replay it over and over and over? That was this past Saturday for me. It was a perfect summer day.

I mentioned in my last post that Collin and I are back in training. But we aren't the only ones who have been training. Oh no. A certain little guy who stands about 3 feet tall has also been clocking the miles. Last year Busha and Auntie Bea participated in Walk Wisconsin, completing the half marathon distance. They loved it and this year Busha wanted Keaton to join her for the Kids Walk Wisconsin.

Busha started walking with the boys this winter, before the weather was even remotely nice. They'd bundle up in snow gear and put Hutt in the stroller or sled and walk down to the end of the road. When they started training Busha thought Stink would walk the 1.3 mile distance, but as the weather got better and their walks turned into 3-mile "biiiiig walks" (as Keaton calls them) they decided to go all out and do the 2.6 mile route. So on Saturday we all joined them, Collin and I took turns pushing Hutton in the stroller and Busha and Papa walked alongside Keaton.

About mid-way though he got a little distracted and started wandering off the road. I was a little frustrated. I just wanted him to listen to us and keep trudging ahead with the walk instead of his diddle daddling. He was testing our patience as he poked around and picked up sticks and dandelions. We finally got him back on track when we saw the orange cone, which was the halfway marker. With promises of banging on that cone with a stick he rejoined us. As we turned to make the 1.3 miles back a man with three young kids, one on his shoulders, walked past us and said "you know, he's got it right, we should all slow down and enjoy life a little." And you know what, we should.

With that we walked back past the play ground, over the bridge, and through the park where we saw ducks with their ducklings and geese. The trees shaded us from the heat of the mid-day sun during the final leg and the breeze felt great as we walked along the river. We finally made it to the finish line where the kids were awarded with medals and popsicles for a job well done.

After the walk Papa & Busha picked up pizza and we met them for a picnic in the park (another park, different from our walk park but for those in our wedding it was our "picture park" ) Busha gave Keaton a Congratulations card and wrote about all of her favorite moments on their walks. Some of my favorites were:

"Seeing you get stronger as you walk to the first mile...(you know that your Daddy also walked the same road you are...)"

"Teaching you not to be afraid of bugs - Keaton, do you want to pick up the caterpillar? "You Busha." We are still working on this."

"Singing songs while we walk..."What does a cow say?....What does a tractor say?...What does a Keaton say? 'Hey Mama Bush!'"

"You just started 'sprinting' at times on the walk, of course it is to keep up with the tractor that is plowing next to the road."

"peeing in the tall grass"

"Giving Hutton a dandelion you picked...and finally"

"Holding Busha's hand as we walk together."

Next goals: Keaton walk around the block (5 miles) / Hutton - walk to Busha

After lunch we headed to the beach where the boys splashed around in the river and played in the sand. And of course no summer day is complete without ice cream.

Around 2 pm we brought two tuckered out boys home and tucked them into bed, where we joined them for the next two and half hours. That evening we made popcorn and all watched Gnomeo & Juliet - a super cute movie for the family (I now want a garden gnome.)

Yes, I could hit replay on this day and it would never get old.

Start and Maintain a Fitness Routine

2011-06-02T18:19:00.001-05:00

That was one of the items on my Spring Soul Season list.

To be perfectly honest with you, it was because I want, I need, to lose weight. Which, I know. I know that is the wrong reason to get back into working out. I know, I know, I know....and yet....if I'm being truthful, that was my motivation.

Through the month of April (and, well, for several months leading up to April) I dabbled here and there. I started a program on Monday, held strong through Tuesday, hit a bump on Wednesday and said oh, forget it, on Thursday. Through Sunday. Then we were back to Monday and I started the whole process over again.

At the beginning of May two things happened. 1) I started counting calories using SparkPeople and got an email that said: the best workout for losing weight is doing the activity you enjoy and 2) My friend Amanda (Hi, Amanda!) ran a 5k and had a blast and felt awesome afterwards.

It was Mother's Day weekend and as I read her tweets and Facebook updates it hit me like a ton of bricks...I need to start running again. These other programs are great but if I'm not going to actually, you know, exercise, then they aren't working for me.

And that was the paradigm shift that set things in motion.

To actually make the change happen I did two things:

1) Found a 5k to run in over the 4th of July weekend.
2) Started a workout calendar.

Collin has agreed to run the 5k with me and so we can officially say we are back "in training." Although it's not the half marathon I had hoped to run this summer, it's something. It's a commitment. Since having kids I find that I only make exercise a priority when I have something I'm working towards (vs my pre-kid days when working out always came at the top of the to-do list.) If I don't have a race or event in mind I easily put laundry (insert any other household chore here) at the top of the priority list. So we're running a race. And I'm so. freaking. excited.

The workout calendar is a little tool I used in my college/post-college days. The basic function is to be a visual to easily see how many times in a week you've worked out. I don't know about you, but a lot of times I think I've worked out a good number of times in a week but when I actually go back and look I realize it was only twice this week, once last week, etc. My workout calendar keeps it real.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that the last week of May was not stellar and that 3 weeks does not a routine make, but compared to April this calendar is rockin'. And having signed up for this July race I have faith in us that we'll put up good results in June.

And, prior to the Memorial Day weekend, where my eating went. to. shit. I had lost 4 lbs. I was 1 lb shy of my pre-pregnancy Hutton weight. I'm hoping someday soon I'll be able to tell you that I actually hit my pre-pregnancy Hutton weight. But for now, I gotta jet....there are a pair of running shoes calling my name.

Gateway to Summer

2011-06-01T11:07:00.000-05:00

As we were walking the dogs Sunday morning my Mom said “I’m sure there were some weekends we missed.” And she’s probably right; there probably were some Memorial Day weekends that we didn’t spend at the cabin. But I don’t remember one.

Spending this past weekend, the summer opener, Up North has been tradition for as long as I can remember. It’s a weekend we all seem to need. As the stresses of work build there is one thing that is sure to take them away: time in the woods. Hearing the loons call, playing outside in the sand, reading on the porch, watching movies at night, eating rhubarb crisp and vanilla ice cream, being disconnected from the phone and internet, these things do a body good.

We packed up Friday night after work and arrived around 9 pm. Saturday morning was spent organizing and cleaning. I’m not sure I’ve ever shown you pictures of our “deer” room at the cabin. This is our home away from home.

Our home, that I’m realizing, is in need of some decorations. I have a couple things in mind, but just haven’t run across the perfect accents yet. I’m trying to be patient because I know at some point they will show up and I’ll see them and have no doubt they were meant for this room!

Kind of like the deer nightlight I found at a little shop on Sunday.

Saturday afternoon my Mom and Hutt and I ran some errands in town. Menards, the grocery store, and a cute little candy shop. Kira told me about it a few weeks ago when I was telling her the details of Hutton’s birthday party, she was surprised I’d never been there before. Pulling up I know I’ve seen the building before, but I had definitely never been inside. I looked around at all the cute little things and then I saw them. The candy I wanted for the party. The candy I thought I was going to have to order online. The candy in the perfect party colors. This little stop may have made my entire weekend. (Thanks, Kira!)

While we were out and about the boys were fishing and playing outside. Keaton skipped his nap and was in rare form when we got home. A request for a diaper change (he was sitting in poop!) turned into a brawl and going inside for the night. It was a tantrum to end all tantrums. My child has thrown many tantrums in his day but this one? This one was EPIC. In the midst of the screaming and kicking and arm throwing and refusing to take his diaper off we decided to throw him right in the bath. Collin and I were actually afraid he was going to fall asleep in the tub mid-scream. Thankfully by the end he calmed down and Mimi got him lotioned and dressed. Even though the steak wasn’t ready yet we made him a plate for dinner and then he promptly passed out. At the table.

That night, after the boys were in bed, Collin and my parents and I watched Up in the Air and ate just-out-of-the-oven rhubarb crisp with vanilla ice cream. We had planned to go biking on Sunday but the weather seemed iffy – off and on sprinkling. In the end it probably would have been fine but we never got a good enough stretch of sky to worth chancing it. So instead the guys went fishing and my mom and I took the boys to Minocqua to do a little shopping and ice cream eating.

That night, while the lasagna was cooking, Keaton spent more time outside. As soon as Pa Grizz arrived on Saturday afternoon Keaton wanted nothing to do with anyone else. Pa Drr, outside! Pa Drr, cut trees? Pa Drr, big trac?

Sometimes we go weeks without watching a movie. And other times we watch multiple movies in just a few days. This weekend was the latter. On Sunday night we watched The Mechanic. Although I fell asleep in the middle I saw enough of the beginning and woke up in time to catch the ending that I’d say it was a pretty good one.

Keaton is sitting on my lap as I write this post and as he sees the pictures of himself he’s saying: Tee play big sand box. Help Pa Drr. The “yard” outside the cabin’s front door is all sand and whenever we wanted Keaton to come up from the lake we’d tell him, let’s go play in the BIG sandbox!

On Sunday there was more sandbox playing and then in the afternoon we packed the boys into the bike trailer and took off for the trails. For the first mile there was a lot of “don’t hit your brother!” but eventually they settled down and enjoyed the ride. And a few hundred yards onto the trail they both crashed for the remainder of the trip. I wish I would have had a picture but my cameras were all tucked away. Actually, they were like that for the majority of the weekend as we breathed in the fresh air and listened to the birds chirping and the chipmunks scatter.

Memorial Day weekend is the Gateway to Summer for me. While some years I dread the heat and humidity of these next few months, this year I’m looking forward to it. I have a number of posts I want to write in the next couple of weeks to wrap up our spring because my eye is definitely on summer.

Singing in the Rain....

2011-05-27T08:00:00.001-05:00

Mimi has been here this week watching the boys for us because Busha threw her back out last week and we thought the break would do her good.

Before the storms hit on Sunday night the weather here was beautiful. And Monday and Tuesday were also really nice.

Our plan for Wednesday, my day off, was to pack the boys up and go shopping for flowers.

Instead of buying hanging plants this year my mom said she'd help me plant our own.

Of course, Wednesday, the only day I can spend outside, was nasty. Cold. Windy. Rainy.

But we went out and got those flowers anyway. Instead of planting them out in the sun we set up camp in the garage.

As I was getting stuff together to plant I thought "what a crappy day." And then I thought, "no, what a perfect day!"

A perfect day to get out the rain jacket, boots, and umbrella.

A perfect day to go signing and playing in the rain.

Around the House: Mud Room

2011-05-26T11:01:00.000-05:00

As part of my Spring Soul Season list I wanted to spring clean the entire house. Or, at least start the process. Our April weekends were booked and the beginning of May wasn't much better but this past weekend it rained all day on Saturday and it was the perfect day to roll up our sleeves and scrub a room down. Plus, my mom was here to watch the boys, which made the process so much easier.

We started with the mud room because I'm Type A Extreme and in my cleaning process this is always the room that I begin with because it's the first one (in my mind) of the house. In addition to the "normal" cleaning we also had the rugs professionally cleaned, removed the blinds and washed them down, re-varnished the window, cleaned the woodwork and light fixtures, and the big one, cleaned and organized the closet.

As we clean each room I thought it'd be a good time to continue our home tour. So, welcome to our mud room.

When entering our house from the garage you walk into the kitchen. The mud room door is immediately to your right. It's a half bath and our laundry room. It's also where we keep all of our shoes, bags, the garbage can, and cleaning supplies.

You'll have to pardon the glare in a lot of these pictures. I tried taking shots without the flash but those pictures didn't correctly show the color of the room. The color in these pictures is much more accurate.

When we were struggling to get pregnant with Keaton, Busha leaned into me one night at a graduation party and whispered - we need to feng shui your house. Collin and his Dad like to call it Feng Shit, but I love this stuff and even if Collin likes to make fun of it, I secretly think he loves it too. You can't deny the energy it creates in a space. But anyway, I'm telling you this because it explains the decor in our mud room. The wall our toilet sits on was in our "creativity and children" quadrant and needed a little help. While we were at it, we spruced up the opposite walls as well.

The wall behind our washer and dryer was in the section of "helpful people and travel" so we put two pictures up from our Summer of 2007 trip to Boston (the first picture) and Nantucket (the second picture.) This was the last "big" trip we've been on and we took it just as we started trying to get pregnant. In fact, I remember buying a pregnancy test while on the Island. Of course, it was negative; it would be almost a year later before we actually got pregnant, but I love the fact that this trip tied into our ttc journey.

With Feng Shui, one way to improve your "helpful people and travel" section is to include "religious items" so we placed two shelves, putting a candle on one and an angel on the other. The angel was given to me by Amanda and is inscribed with the saying "We can do no great things - only small things with great love. ~ Mother Teresa" Above the candle hangs a picture of Collin and I with one of our Godsons, Lil Bear, on the day of his birth. The matting includes the definition of "faith."

Moving past the window and to the other back corner of the room is the toilet - our "creativity and children " section. As you can imagine it calls for symbols of children. We decided to just add pictures of children. Although I rotate the pictures in these frames, they are always of kids that are special to us. Currently I have the black and white pictures Auntie CaS took of the boys this winter up there. Next to the picture of Hutt is The Dancer Willow Tree Figurine. Amanda also gave this to me, knowing I'd absolutely LOVE anything to do with dance. One of my biggest regrets in life is quitting dance in high school. My mom said I'd regret it, and she was totally right.

On our toilet you will always find a magazine or two. Usually the Pottery Barn catalog and some sort of Sports Illustrated.

To the left of the toilet is the sink and the shelving unit that holds our shoes and bags.

Oh! And a big fat cat!

By the door hangs this black and white of the Eiffel Tower and a key holder with scenes from France. Both of these were given to me by Jill because we always wanted to go to France together with our moms and she knew how much I loved all of her French decor in her apartment. It's been years since I've been to France but someday I'm getting back there!!

Finishing off the room is our newly organized! closet.

With this spring cleaning process we want to get rid of and simply, which makes me feel a little guilty that we actually purchased a couple of things for this closet. We added the big organizer on the left to hold dog food, light bulbs, cleaning rags, and random stuff from the diaper bag/extra rolls of toilet paper. We also bought those two blue baskets under the shelving unit. I LOVE these things; they are exactly what I needed in this room and because I feel they are simplifying my life I feel much less guilty about the purchase. One is for dirty towels/rags and the other is for dirty bibs/cloth napkins. I always have these two ongoing piles of laundry on the mud room floor and they drive me mad. Now they are still there, but hidden, out of sight, and organized. Totally worth the $10.

And that's it! That's our mud room. Next up, the dining room. Which we're hoping to get done before Hutton's birthday party at the end of June.

Dear Hutton: 10 Months

2011-05-23T15:44:00.000-05:00

Dear Hutton,

At the end of April you turned 10 months old. We are so nearing the 11-month mark that I had decided not to write this letter. I decided I’d combine your 10-and 11-month letters into one. And I was okay with that, for about 0.1 seconds. Then the guilt started setting in. I never missed a monthly letter to your brother during his first year. Even if it was late, I always wrote one. I imagined you flipping through your scrapbook that I intend to make with all of these letters with highlights from the year and you coming to your combined 10-11 month page and I cringed. And decided I couldn’t do it. I had to write this. Even if it is really, really late.

A couple of days after you turned 10 months old I took you to the doctor for a well-baby check-up. This would have typically occurred at the 9-month mark but because of my recent job change we were without insurance from February 12th until May 1st. Yes, I know the specific dates. That is because every day during that two and a half month period I said at least once, please stop doing that, we don’t have insurance! Or, please, please don’t get sick, we don’t have insurance! Both you and your brother did get sick during that time, but thankfully not serious enough to have to take you in. And although there were a number of close calls, we had nothing that brought us rushing to the doctor trying to explain, well, we’re in between coverages right now. I cannot put into words how thankful I am to have made it through that time. But anyway, at your appointment you weighed in at 19 lbs 10 oz (25%), were 28 inches tall (25%), and your head circumference was 47 ½ cm (90%.) Just like your brother you have a huge head. What I was so happy to see is that you jumped up a percentile in height; moving from 5-10% up to 25%. Your head circumference also increased from 75% at 6 months. And weight is holding steady at 25%. This growth, head, height, and then weight is exactly what the doctor told us to expect out of Keaton and you seem to be following suit. It’s hard to compare your current stats to your brother’s, as his were taken at 9 ½ months, but it appears you have now surpassed him in all measurements.

Although we have not had a very nice spring, the temperature has been chilly and for much of the month there was snow on the ground, we’ve been able to squeeze in a few walks with the dog and wagon rides. You LOVE the wagon. While you’ll fuss and whine in the stroller you sit perfectly in the wagon. Sometimes you hold onto a sippy cup or toy and other times you just sit back and take in the scene. I’m also always surprised at how well you and Keaton get along during these rides. You two will fight over toys non-stop in the house, usually it’s because he doesn’t want you touching anything, but sometimes it’s you who’s asserting your displeasure, but in the wagon it’s different. You laugh and babble at each other, you share toys and he picks up your sippy if you drop it. It’s actually quite a joy to see you together in there.

Speaking of your sippy, this reminds me, we’ve remedied the bottle strike during the day by putting your milk in a sippy. In fact, you’re pretty much done with bottles. I haven’t actually put them away yet, but I should because we haven’t used them in many, many weeks. I think you like the independence. Same thing goes with food, you love puffs and the little bites of pancakes and bread we’ve given you this month, simply, I believe, because you are feeding yourself.

At 10 months old you’ve suddenly become interested in climbing up the stairs. You’re still eating mostly purees and I think the only new food I made this month was potatoes and asparagus, both of which you ate like a champ. The nursing is going much better this month than last – I’ve decided not to push you too much during the day, if you feel like nursing great, if not I pump and put it in a sippy. At night, especially before bed, you always nurse with no problem. We moved you into 9-12 month clothes right at the end of the month and they fit perfectly. You’re still waking up in the middle of the night and making your way into our bed and your daytime naps have gone from bad to worse. It’s frustrating and I feel bad for Busha. You are a big Mama’s boy and you love to snuggle. And I absolutely love that. And I love you.

You’re getting too big too fast little boy, but I’m enjoying every second of it.
Love,
Mama

Easter 2011: Baskets and Egg Hunts

2011-05-20T15:48:00.000-05:00

This post is coming extremely late. So late that it seems stupid to even write it. But I have to because some day (who knows when) I want to put together a digital photo album for the kids and the only place I'm documenting anything is here. So if I don't write it here, it won't be written anywhere. Better late than never, right? Maybe?

We'd been talking about the Easter Bunny in the weeks leading up to Easter, and especially about the choo choo that he might be bringing, in hopes that Keaton would remember come Easter morning. He didn't remember Santa, but he did remember the leprechauns so I thought our chances of him remembering the E. Bunny (as he says it) were good. What I hadn't factored into the equation was that Mimi and Pa Grizz would be here, which means bed time would be missed.

Easter morning Keats woke up and was obviously groggy. We had to remind him that there might be a surprise waiting for he and Hutton in the living room.

When he walked out there and saw the baskets he was a little uncertain at first.

But then that promised choo choo caught his eye.

He proceeded to take his basket to the middle of the living room floor and take each item out one by one. His owl, a book, new pjs, a rain coat and umbrella, a Thomas painting book, and a new car. He didn't really stop to look at anything, just one by one the items went from his basket to the floor. Then, once the basket was good and empty, he dug in.

Meanwhile, Hutton played with each new thing before taking another item out. His owl (which was made by the ever fabulous, Kim, I highly suggest checking out her Etsy stores.)...

...a new book, A Home for Bunny...

...and a new car that he can call all. his. own. No more of his big brother taking them all from him. Hutt also got a beach towel, new jammies, and a Haba Flapsi.

Even more fun than the baskets was reminding Keaton he should go check the carrot that he left out for the Easter Bunny.

He was so intrigued and curious and cautiously excited. Mimi! The E. Bunny ate carrot!

Shortly after baskets our family started arriving for our Easter lunch. Mimi and Pa Grizz were already here but Busha and Papa came and Aunt Bea and Uncle Buck and Aunt Kira and the kids. The H bombs are so adorable together. Hutton loves his cousin and is constantly trying to open mouth kiss her. Actually, Keaton rather loves her too. While he'll head butt and yell at Hutt he only has kisses and coos for Little Bee.

The Easter Bunny hid lots and lots of eggs for the kids so before lunch we decided to head out for an egg hunt. We have not had a very nice spring around these parts but Easter Sunday was gorgeous.

Blue skies, sun shining, and decently warm. It was a perfect morning for an egg hunt.

Mr. Keaton is our serious child. He does things diligently and with purpose. When there is a task to be done he does it with focus and he will not be distracted until it is complete.

Even a task such as an egg hunt.

Hutton, on the other hand, while equally curious and active, lives life for the adventure. I would not be at all surprised if his first words were Woo Hoo!!! *fist pump*

After the egg hunt we went inside for lunch but it was way to beautiful to stay inside. So afterward we headed back out and even through they were in their Easter outfits, we let the boys run wildly through the mud puddles. Over and over and over. Keaton's shirt is still slightly stained and I'm pretty sure I found mud in his diaper. But boy did they have fun.

Later that afternoon, before conking out for naps, Papa took the kids on several wagon rides. You could say they were a wee bit happy. Okay, they were pretty much in heaven. These boys, that will fight to no end over things inside, will willingly share sippys and toys while in a wagon.

I'm so thankful for the gorgeous day. For the time spent with family. For the Easter memories.

Weekend-ing

2011-05-16T23:18:00.001-05:00

Weekends go too fast. I think weekends should be a standard three days long. Although if I had three days I'd plan four days worth of activities and then I'd still be complaining that the weekend is already over? How can that be? Weekends should be four days.

Isn't that typical, to always want more of whatever it is we have. More time. More money. More wine and chocolate. Wait. What? You don't wish for more wine and chocolate?

Friday was Collin's 31st birthday. Although I did not buy him a tangible gift, I did give him the gift of an unplanned weekend. And then I proceeded to ask him 50 million times over the past two weeks "what do you want to do this weekend?" "Have you made a decision about what you want to do for your birthday weekend?" So in the end I'm not sure how well that really worked for him. Although he did do an excellent job of avoiding my question and we did end up with just want I gave him, a weekend of NO plans.

So Friday night we celebrated with sushi (mac and cheese for the kids) and a movie, Unstoppable. And the children were gracious enough to sleep through the entire thing. It must have been their birthday present to Dada. We rather enjoyed the movie. It was nice to have a suspense-type-Speed movie that did not involve bombs or terrorists.

On Saturday morning Collin woke up bright and early, while the boys and I slept in, to bring a lawn mower to a tenant. A tenant who needed a lawn mower on Thursday and then bought one on Friday. It was a completed wasted 40-min round trip. Although he did see the town-wide garage sales so maybe not completely wasted.

It's kind of hard to see but if you look very closely there is a plant there. One of two new hydrangeas.

After breakfast we loaded the boys up to run some errands. Bank #1. Bank #2. Gyros to go. Lunch in the park. Garage sale-ing (where we found very little.) Sports store to get some info on bike trailers. Starbucks. And the nursery.

As is typical I have one picture with kid #1 looking and one picture with kid #2 looking. Oh, and Maia decided to look for this one too. The window above them is my office.

Collin's original plan for my Mother's Day gift was to buy two plants or shrubs to put on the outside of our driveway, so I could see them from my office window. But last Wednesday we went to Papa & Busha's for a Mother's Day cookout where the boys (Busha) gave me a beautiful purpley-blue plant (see above.) Busha is awesome at feng shuing and she said it (blue) would be perfect for the East side of the house. This gave me a new idea. Instead of two shrubs to see from my window, I wanted to plants to go below my window. Two hydrangeas.

We decided this would be my "Mother's Day Garden." And I'm hoping to add a bird bath or maybe a bird feeder next year. Collin loves to garden, so while this may seem like it was a weekend about me, he was actually in his glory. He also planted a plant my aunt gave him for his birthday while we were in Milwaukee last weekend. And I think he's decided for his actual birthday and Father's Day gift he'd like to get two more apple trees.

On Sunday, we took the boys for a stroll in their new ride. This guy fussed at the beginning and we were afraid he hated it, but I think his real problem was that he was just tired. Oh, yeah, we just went to the sports store to look at trailers. But then we came home and I checked Craigslist and I found this guy about a half hour away for only half the price. It's an older model but they just replaced the wheels and the stroller attachment and it is in really good shape - we're so excited to do some biking this summer!

Sunday night we made steak fajitas while Keaton quietly took the bag of marshmallows into the living room. When the toddler is silent you can pretty much guaranty there is going to be a mess to clean up. He strolled into the kitchen, grabbed Collin's hand and took him back to the living room where he proudly told Dada, Marshmallows!

What did you do this weekend? And have you watched any good movies lately? I need to update our Netflix queue.

Mother's Day at the Zoo

2011-05-10T17:23:00.000-05:00

For the past two years we have spent Mother's Day at the Milwaukee County Zoo. It has worked out perfectly because our nephew's birthday party is on Saturday, we stay at a hotel where the boys get to jump on the beds and swim in the pool Saturday night, and on Sunday all mother's get in free at the zoo.

I never bloggged about our trip last year because I forgot my camera at home and it took awhile for my mom to get a copy of her pictures to me. This year we remembered the camera. And we remembered the charger. But we didn't remember to put the camera battery ON the charger. And so we were camera-less again. Thankfully we had my phone, but we kind of forgot to actually take it out and use it, so our pictures are few.

The kids fell asleep on the 5 minute drive from the hotel to the zoo parking lot but with the lines it took us a good 40 minutes to get in so in the end that worked out well. Once we finally got the stroller out, sunscreen on, bags packed and everyone in their stroller seat I was exhausted and moody but we trudged on and headed in to first see the flamingos and then to the sea lions/seals. We got there just in time for their noon show and decided to get tickets and take the kids to watch. Keaton sat quietly through the show, taking it all in. You could tell that he had just woken up. Hutt gave a little holler at the first sea lion but spent the rest of the time playing with a straw from Mimi's drink. And then getting mad at Mama when I accidentally knocked it out of his hand.

It was only a 20 minute show but I learned the difference between sea lions and seals so I was happy with the time spent. Sea lions: 1) have external ears 2) have bigger front flippers and 3) can walk on all four flippers. Seals: 1) do not have external ears/have holes in side of head 2) have smaller front flippers and 3) do more of an inch-worm maneuver to get around. (PS these are all in technical terms, of course.)

After the sea lions we went to see the monkeys/apes. These were one of Hutt's favorite animals - he also liked the sea otters and fish - and he giggled and laughed as they swooped through the air with their long arms and came to sit right in front of the window to eat. He kept looking at the monkeys and then looking at me like, are you seeing this Mom?? Those guys are funny!

I guess if I had to pick I'd say seeing the giraffes was the neatest. We hit the exhibit right at feeding time and got to get pretty close to them. Although what stood out the most to be was the ape house, where I read again (I remember reading it last year, too) about palm oil plantations and how they are destroying the amazon and what we can do to help. I think what's hardest about taking small kids to the zoo is that they really just want to see the animals, I like to read and learn about the animals. I was trying to figure out what felt off about this trip and I think that's it, I didn't read enough.

Keaton loved having Mimi and Pa Grizz (Pa Drr, as he says it) to himself. He loved the fish exhibit, which made his Grandpa very, very happy. Last year his favorite animal was the peacock. This year when we asked him he said the "big deer" - I think he meant either the caribou or the elk. His favorite part of the day though came right at the end, when we took a ride on the choo choo.

Before we left we let the boys each pick out one souvenir. I showed Hutt a monkey and he was all smiles. It now resides in the upper left corner of his crib. Keaton wanted a choo choo. No, a tractor. No, a truck with animal print cars. It's a cheap plastic semi and three small cars that will likely be broken within a week, but he hasn't put it down in two days.

Spending a sunny afternoon with my boys (all three of them) and my parents was the most perfect Mother's Day gift I could have asked for. When we got home Collin surprised me not with a gift, but with his idea - two bushes or a bird house/bird feeder that I can see from my office window so that when I look out I'm reminded of my kiddos.

***
Unrelated to our zoo trip, tomorrow I have my first of 3 follow-up paps after the Leep procedure. I have to go every six months and once I have 3 normals in a row I can go back to yearly exams. I especially need this one to come back normal because I was recently denied life insurance because of my history. If I can show proof of a normal result they will grant the policy. Any prayers, thoughts, or good vibes would be greatly appreciated.

Easter 2011: Coloring Eggs

2011-05-06T10:04:00.001-05:00

One of the best things about the boys getting older is being able to introduce them to all of our favorite holiday traditions from our own childhood.

I vividly remember sitting around our kitchen table, crayons splayed every which way, a vinegar/water/tablet mixture in each of the cups making the colors come to life. I always drew flowers on my eggs. Flowers and the sun and grass; a spring-time scene. And names. There was always a special egg for each family member and usually for the pets as well.

This year Mimi and Papa Grizz were here for our egg coloring adventure. Keaton sat and watched Pa Grizz patiently as he made a special egg for everyone that was going to be at our Easter lunch and also for Maia.

When I thought about dying eggs, or any other holiday tradition for that matter, I thought about how much fun I'd have introducing it to the boys. What I didn't think about was how much fun they would have doing it. And realizing how much fun he was having - coloring, dipping, retrieving - well, it made the experience that much better.

I was surprised at how gentle Keaton was with each egg. Gentle, that it, until he clanked the first one and we all gasped and then laughed. Then he thought it was funny and started tossing them into the cup harder and harder each time.

Miraculously, none broke. And when we were done we had two cartons of brightly colored Easter eggs all ready for our egg hunt the next day.

Name that Day

2011-05-04T21:28:00.001-05:00

I have two more Easter posts to write and actually have the 'coloring eggs' post in the works and about finished but today was Wednesday, the day formally known as Keatsday, the day that I think needs a new name. This is my subtle way of telling you, I need suggestions! The past few, okay, several, Wednesdays have been less than stellar. There has been a lot of nap refusal, Mama loosing her temper, and wishing of the day away. But today? Today the sun was shining, it was one of very few nice spring days we've had so far this season and the boys and I took advantage of it. Today was so nice that I had to put my Easter posts aside and tell you about it.

I've decided that Wednesdays are going to be sleep-in/snuggle till we wake up, no alarms sorts of days and that's just how this one started. After breakfast and a shower the three of us headed out for Hutton's 9:30 am doctor appointment. I hadn't worried about taking the boys to the appointment by myself; I'm not sure if this is true for others but it seems that whenever I do worry, there is no need to, and whenever I don't worry, I should have. This was a should have sort of day. Keaton wanted to play on the doctor's chair and eat puffs and Hutt just wanted to crawl, let me CRAWL, woman!! There was screaming and fit throwing and that was BEFORE the doctor even walked in. Thankfully he, mostly, kept their attention and they settled down while he was checking Hutt out. Although I still got a "I think you're going to have your hands full today, Mom" from one of the nurses.

So I'm not quite sure why I decided to haul the kids to the post office, library - where I found out I'm #15 on the waiting list for the book I wanted - and Target - to buy the damn book instead - following the appointment. But I did. I chanced it. And the boys were so well behaved, in stark contrast to that hour in the doctor's office, that I got an ice cream treat for after naps. And by the time I got home both kids were sleeping. Woo! So I got my lunch and took my new book and sat in the sun on the deck. It was bliss.

When the boys woke up I brought lunch outside for them as well. I hope to do this often this summer.

After lunch I packed them up in the wagon, found Maia's leash and we were off to "see big trac(tors)". We walked down to one stop sign and then we walked back and walked almost all the way down to the other. We saw a big tractor going up and down the rows in the field, we saw a school bus, and we saw lots of other trucks and cars. Keaton was pleased. When we got home Keats played in the yard for awhile before I had to (literally) drag him in because Hutt so desperately needed a nap. Shortly after we came in Collin came home so Keaton got to go back outside while Hutt and I made dinner.

Speaking of dinner, it's been awhile since I've had a What's for Dinner, Wednesday. See, I haven't been doing a lot of meal planning, or cooking, or, well, even grocery shopping lately. First it was because we were hosting Easter so we wanted to clear out the fridge. Then it was Easter left-overs. This week it was, we didn't get home until 6:30 pm on Sunday night and we're going to be gone again this weekend so what's the point of grocery shopping we'll just make due. Tonight we actually had left-over BBQ pulled pork that I had stuck in the freezer last time I made it.

After dinner Collin took Keaton back outside while I got Hutt ready for bed. Tonight I've cleaned the mud room, put clothes away and started on the boys' laundry. Oh, and I finished Chapter 1 of my book. I'm so loving reading lately, I forgot just how much I enjoy this hobby.

It was a good day. A fun day. An exhausting day.

A day that needs a new name.

Easter 2011: Mr. Bunny

2011-04-27T23:50:00.000-05:00

For those unfamiliar with Mr. Bunny, you can read the background here. For those familiar, let's jump right into some pictures, shall we?

Keaton and Mr. Bunny

2009

2010

2011

Hutton and Mr. Bunny

2011

I tried to get a picture of the boys together with Mr. Bunny but that didn't go so well. My options were...

...neither boy looking at the camera...

...Hutt crawling away...

...Hutt covering Keats face...

... and some good 'ol jack assery...

Mr. Bunny says: Boys, boys. Let's settle down now.

So you'll have to settle for a picture of the boys in their Easter baskets instead.

Easter 2011: Breakfast with the Easter Bunny

2011-04-26T18:05:00.001-05:00

I think I was just as excited as the kids, maybe even more excited, for our church's annual Breakfast with the Easter Bunny this year. Last year I wasn't able to attend so as soon as I saw it in the bulletin after mass in March I was calling my parents and Collin's parents to see if they wanted to come (they did!)

The week leading up to it we were talking all about the Easter Bunny to Keaton, trying to get him prepped. We got there bright and early and sat down to pancakes, sausage, apple sauce and the most horrible tasting coffee I've ever had in my life (no kidding, it tasted like cigarette butts) and about halfway through breakfast they made an announcement that the Easter Bunny was here!! All the kids started scanning the room and when he walked in the door Keaton flipped around in his chair to watch him.

After breakfast we made our way to "the line" so the boys could get their picture taken with the Bunny. Cool man Hutt was chill about the whole thing. Also, clueless. But hey, calm and collected.

While Keaton was a little apprehensive. Interested. But apprehensive.

I did not have high expectations for this picture. All I was really hoping for was to get both boys in the same frame. A frame that included The Easter Bunny. I'm not sure I ever told you about our Dinner with Santa at church. Um. Ha! That's was awesome. I was so psyched to get a cute photo with the boys with Santa and Keaton was so excited and then we got up there and he freaked out. Would not sit on his lap. Wouldn't even stand near him. And so I think I have a picture of Hutt with him, but nothing of both the boys together. So. No expectations. Which is why I am absolutely THRILLED with this picture! The Easter Bunny. Both boys! Both boys looking in my general direction! We didn't get smiles, but we got all three subjects in one shot. I say, success!!

Hutton totally grabbed that Easter Bunny's face and came out with a fist full of fur.

After taking a picture with The Bunny, we headed into the craft room where Keaton got to frost a sugar cookie with Mimi.

And do a little jig while eating said sugar cookie.

And then he got a tattoo on his hand with Busha. He was a little skeptical about the tattoo.

We skipped some of the other craft stations this year because it was time to get our baskets ready and line up for the egg hunt.

The egg hunt is divided into age groups and usually held outdoors but it was crappy weather this year so they had it in the school gym instead. Both of our boys were in the first age group: 0-3.

We headed in and lined up around the perimeter of the court, Father said a prayer, and then there was a 3...2...1 countdown and the whistle blew.

Hutton may be young, in fact he was likely one of the very youngest in the room, but he gave those other kids a run for their money. As soon as the whistle blew Papa set him loose and he was the first one on the court.

Keaton was a little more shy at first but once he figured out what to do he was unstoppable. He did not pause to look at the eggs or see if anything was in them, it was just one after another into the basket. At the end I took a few from his basket and handed to the little boy next to us because he clearly had to many (this was church after all!)

After the egg hunt we bundled everyone up to head home. Keaton talked nonstop about his eggs while Hutton promptly zonked out in his car seat. It was a good day. The boys had fun, we had fun, and the Grandparent's had fun. I just love this holiday stuff and am already looking forward to next year.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T08:00:00.001-05:00

From our house to yours...wishing you a Happy Easter Season!

(More Easter posts to come this week but for now there are eggs to be found and chocolate to be eaten.)

Keaton's Favorite Bird

2011-04-21T17:02:00.000-05:00

Untitled from Kate Konopacki on Vimeo.

That's right! CaSondra is our winner - Keaton's favorite bird is the black and orange Oriole, that eats oranges.

(For the record, the first time he told me that they eat oranges I thought he was nuts. I'm not sure why I doubt this kid, he is like a sponge and soaks up every little thing people say. Like the other day when my mom was changing his diaper - a particularly bad diaper - and she exclaimed Oh shit! He's still saying that. Thankfully only we can understand him.)

(Also, I think we're going to need one of those bird feeders.)

CaS, watch your mailbox for your Easter prize:

The bunny was made by my Mom (Thanks, Mom!) - she made a pair of bunnies for me and I asked her if she'd be interested in making one for my Easter prize and she obliged - Mom's are good like that.

The flower pot and seeds represents New Life and embodies what Easter means to me.

Speaking of Easter I have a number of Easter related posts in the works but between trying to hit a deadline for work, getting my house cleaned for guests this weekend, and attending my most favorite masses of the year, things are a bit busy around here. So, they'll be up soon, but possibly after Easter. Until then, Happy Easter, everyone!

Dear Hutton: 9 Months

2011-04-19T17:45:00.002-05:00

Dear Hutty,

I can’t believe I’m addressing you publically as Hutty, but here’s the thing, of all the variations of your name that are used around here on a daily basis: Hutt, Hutters, Hutter Butts, Hutter Butter, Hutton Button, Baby Hutt, Baby Ha, Ha Ba (both by your brother), and Hutton Button Bender (by Busha); Hutty is the one I use the most. I’m sorry Buddy, I hate it just as much as you do, but it’s what rolls off my tongue. So anyway, Mr. Hutt, you have officially turned nine months old. I wish I had some height and weight stats to share with you, but you’re going to have to wait one more month for that.

This has been an interesting month. Okay, fine, I’m not going to mince words, this month has been rough. Everyone has their “baby stage” that they find to be the hardest, for some it’s the newborn stage, for others when their baby starts to walk. For me it is nine months. I remember this stage with your brother as well; you’re mobile and want to see and touch and discover new things, but you’re not yet steady enough on your feet to fully explore and you can’t yet walk. There seems to be frustration on your part because although you can pull yourself up to the couch, coffee table, tv stand, etc., you can’t quite reach everything. And there is frustration on our part because we can no longer leave you unattended for more than 10 seconds or you will have bonked your head again or pulled the gate down on top of yourself (ask us how we know that.) But the biggest frustration for me during this age is the nursing strike. Your brother went through it too. You’re just. too. busy. to waste time nursing. Or evening drinking your milk from a bottle for that matter. You settle in just long enough to get a taste and then you pop up, making sure you aren’t missing anything. It’s especially frustrating if there is even the slightest bit of distraction in the room. This month you’ve cut out an entire bottle from your daily feedings, not because you aren’t hungry, but because you are too busy. How do I know this? Because while you won’t nurse during the day, you have no problem nursing all night long.

The nursing all night thing started about the middle of the month, right at the same time you and your brother both came down with nasty colds. It was your first real sickness. Runny nose, coughing, fevers, you had it all. Keaton came down with it first and you got it a few days later, combined it was a solid two weeks of warm baths followed by lathering you boys in vicks, running a vaporizer all night long, and lots and lots of rest and snuggles. During this time I wanted you to get as much breast milk as possible and since nursing soothed you, you often ate the whole night through. Unfortunately, you found this arrangement quite agreeable and breaking you of the habit has been tough.

Thankfully this month had its highlights too. One of those moments came the day, right as you were turning 9 months old, that you started crawling. You had been getting up on your knees and rocking back and forth for awhile. You’d started taking a few “slides,” usually three or four – the way you moved looked like you were on an ice rink learning to skate for the first time – and we knew you were on the brink of taking off. Then one day you just did it. You went from the three/four slides to full-time crawling overnight. And now you are moving quite fast. You also started pulling yourself up onto everything this month. Your favorite thing is the entertainment center, you love that tv.

At the end of the month we also moved you out of our room and into the nursery with your brother. It seemed that, without fail, you’d wake up within 30 minutes of your Daddy and I going to bed and we thought that you could sense us in the room. We’d been hesitant to move you boys into the same room afraid that you might wake each other up, but we decided to give it a go to see if it would help you sleep through the night. While you guys sleeping in the same room has had no affect on each other’s sleep, you’re still waking up in the middle of the night. So I don’t know, win? Lose? I guess I’d call it a draw.

This month you got two more teeth, a second middle bottom tooth and one on the top. Oddly though, it’s not one of your middle top teeth, no, it’s the tooth to the right of your middle teeth. Which I find totally odd and has earned you the nickname “Three Teeth” from Papa. You’ve added apples, pears, mango, broccoli, and cauliflower to your list of foods you’ve tried. Mango is the only thing you have outright refused. I think it was probably because it wasn’t ripe enough, but I suppose we’ll see when we try it again next time. You’re still wearing 6-9 month clothes, you LOVE bath time, Morty the Moose, and people tickling your chest. You HATE having your nose cleaned out, getting dressed, and sitting still for longer than 15 seconds to have your diaper changed. Your smile continues to be infectious and I hope that never, ever changes.

I love you sweet boy,
Mama

The Cause of my Funk

2011-04-15T11:04:00.000-05:00

Years ago, long before Collin and I even knew each other, let alone were married with a house and two children, I heard the statement that financial issues were the #1 cause of divorce. I have no idea if this is still the case, but what I know is that at the time I heard this I could not wrap my mind around it. Why would money be the #1 cause? I mean it’s just money. What about infidelity? That, to me, seems like a likelier cause, doesn’t it?

Back then I lived in an apartment by myself. I had a rent payment and a car payment. Beyond the normal things like the telephone, groceries and utilities, that was it. Was I rolling in cash? Oh hell no. I cleaned the home of one of my friend’s moms for spending money. I was in no way rolling in it. But I wasn’t drowning in debt either. I had an elaborate tracking system for all of my credit card purchases and I paid off my bill each and every month. I was able to buy new clothes whenever I wanted. I had subscriptions to magazines and a membership to a pretty nice gym (it included free tanning, woo!) I could not understand why money would cause a divorce? I mean, budget better, what’s your problem?

Then Collin and I started dating, and shortly after, planning a wedding. The wedding expenses and honeymoon bills accumulated. We kept track of them tediously, had plans of how to pay everything off. Before the wedding we bought a parcel of land and started building a house. Things were going good. The family business had one of its best years. We built a duplex. And then another. And then a spec house. And then the real estate market, and the economy in general, crashed. People started losing their jobs. Stopped paying rent. Weren’t able to get a loan to buy a house.

Past tenants owe us over $10,000 in rent never collected. The spec house has been on the market for two years. We’ve had to lower the rent on our duplexes just to get someone, anyone in there. When fully rented we just barely cover the monthly mortgages. Not taxes. Not insurance.

Business hasn’t picked up. Collin has been off of work, on work, off of work for months. Every so often we get a chunk of change that keeps us going for a little longer. A bonus, a tax refund, something. And then we burn through it catching up on mortgage payments or medical bills or the fucking credit card that we can’t seem to fucking control. And then it’s gone. And we’re back to being sucked into this never ending abyss of financial woe.

I refuse to let this destroy our family but to say it hasn’t affected us would be a lie. I yell. A lot. Out of frustration and fear. I don’t know where the end is. I don’t know how far we will fall.

I get it now. I get how finances could be the #1 cause of divorce. I won’t let it happen. But I get it.

An Easter Guessing Game

2011-04-13T22:20:00.000-05:00

I've been butting heads with this kid non-stop lately. I think it is largely due to us having the same personalities. And the fact that he is two. This morning I was cleaning chicken to put in the crock pot and every time I turned around he had laid another dishcloth/towel on top of the raw chicken. I am batty about raw chicken, I do not want it touching anything! Especially not my clean dish towels. After the 3rd towel I yelled "Go!" and he looked at me and without flinching said "No! You go, Mama!" and I yelled back "NO. YOU GO!" and then Collin walked in and I realized the ridiculousness of the situation - I was cat fighting with a 2-year old.

Tonight before bed I hugged Keats and said, "I'm sorry we had such a bad day, Buddy." And he nodded his head and repeated "bad day."

***

When I stop and just take this kid in, when I watch him grab a dish rag and start cleaning the counters, or listen to him "read" himself a book before nap, or when I ask him what he did today with Busha and he says "play cars. Outside with Pa." I am reminded how much I love this child. Stubborn 2-year old streak or not, this kid lights up my life.

***

Keaton is really into birds these days. He likes to watch them out the window, feed them bread crumbs, and check on his birdhouses for eggs. When I was thinking about the Easter guessing game I wanted to have here I instantly knew what the question would be.

First person to correctly comment guessing Keaton's favorite bird will win a little Easter gift from me.

He likes them all, but what do you think is Keaton's favorite bird?