Monday, November 18, 2013

don't give up on us

“I think I’m done; I called her and she never returned my call. I give up. I mean, what do you think, would you keep trying?”

I knew the woman she spoke of, I haven’t seen her in years but I remember her when I was a child and I know just enough bits and pieces of her life now to guess that she is tapped out, emotionally speaking.

“I don’t know, Mom, maybe she is just stressed out, drained. Maybe it takes all of her emotional energy just to survive the day; maybe she just doesn’t have anything left to give right now. I wouldn’t give up on her yet.”

As the words came rolling off of my tongue I recognized it as a plea, don’t give up on her, I thought. But what I really meant was, don’t give up on me.

I have been a crappy mom lately; the stress of these last few years has just had me at rock bottom. I’ve always had a quick temper but I seem to lose it even faster now. I’m working on it, every day I vow to be better but the energy it takes leaves me completely spent in almost all aspects, physically, mentally, emotionally. And because of it, because of the drain, I’ve also been a crappy friend lately. I’ve never been great at returning calls/emails/texts but, as most of you know first-hand, these days I’m downright horrible. I have missed birthdays; I’m a million years behind on thank you cards. The list goes on, but please, don’t give up on me – it doesn’t mean I don’t think of you guys all the time and it surely doesn’t mean I don’t care.

Thank you all for your messages and calls last week. I haven’t had the chance to get back to most of you yet, but I will.  I promise I will. I am so grateful for your friendship and your love. Truly, I couldn’t make it through all of this without your support. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Thank you. xoxo

6 comments:

Amanda said...

We have all the time in the world to wait...you're well worth it :) Love you!

Gail Harper said...

"They" say that it is during the hardest times when you find out who your true friends really are.

They'll sort themselves out and in the end you'll know that what you have left are the truest, most loving, most caring, most understanding of the whole bunch!

CAS said...

I'll never give up on you! We all have down times and when we are down those that are up are able to get us through and then when your up- you are there for others as I know from experience!

Tracy Over said...

I read your last week info and could not comment but I know how you feel. All too well. Hope you feel better soon and just know that we all go through this. xoxoxox

RETA said...

We all need to say that very thing, "Don't give up on me!" You are not alone - and yes, things will look better for you.

RETA@ http://evenhaazer.blogspot.com

Jill said...

We all have difficult times when we need more support than other times and you've definitely had your share. True friends understand and will be there no matter what.

And by the way, you're not a bad mom because you yell at your kids. We all do. It shows you care for them so much that you just want everything to be perfect for them. The hard part is with so many little ones, you'll likely never reach perfection. So you need to strike the right balance that will make you comfortable. I know you can do it cause you are a great mom and I know you do everything for them out of love!! Let me know anytime if you would like to talk...I'm up a lot these days!! :)