“I think I’m done; I called her and she never returned my call. I give up. I mean, what do you think, would you keep trying?”
I knew the woman she spoke of, I haven’t seen her in years but I remember her when I was a child and I know just enough bits and pieces of her life now to guess that she is tapped out, emotionally speaking.
“I don’t know, Mom, maybe she is just stressed out, drained. Maybe it takes all of her emotional energy just to survive the day; maybe she just doesn’t have anything left to give right now. I wouldn’t give up on her yet.”
As the words came rolling off of my tongue I recognized it as a plea, don’t give up on her, I thought. But what I really meant was, don’t give up on me.
I have been a crappy mom lately; the stress of these last few years has just had me at rock bottom. I’ve always had a quick temper but I seem to lose it even faster now. I’m working on it, every day I vow to be better but the energy it takes leaves me completely spent in almost all aspects, physically, mentally, emotionally. And because of it, because of the drain, I’ve also been a crappy friend lately. I’ve never been great at returning calls/emails/texts but, as most of you know first-hand, these days I’m downright horrible. I have missed birthdays; I’m a million years behind on thank you cards. The list goes on, but please, don’t give up on me – it doesn’t mean I don’t think of you guys all the time and it surely doesn’t mean I don’t care.
Thank you all for your messages and calls last week. I haven’t had the chance to get back to most of you yet, but I will. I promise I will. I am so grateful for your friendship and your love. Truly, I couldn’t make it through all of this without your support. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Thank you. xoxo