I thought the next time I jumped on here I'd be telling you about how happy we are to see 2012 come to a close; how happy we are to shut the door on a year that has been so difficult on so many levels. We are optimistic about 2013; a new year, a fresh start. This year will be happy, we are determined. Unfortunately the year just hasn't started on the best foot. The craziness of Christmas and traveling shot right into practically pulling an all-nighter to get ready for Keaton's birthday party. Just as we were recooperating from that, the baby spent three straight nights screaming all night long. Ear infection. The day after New Years I finally got him in to the doctor and he's on medicine now but of course not before each one of the rest of us has come down with fevers and colds. I think we are finally on the mend, but its been at the cost of a house that is now a complete disaster and being behind on a number of things on the to-do list. Not exactly how I had hoped to start the year.
Yesterday was my birthday. 33. It feels, I don't know, like a lot older than 32. If I could have anything I wanted for my birthday it would be a spa day followed by a little shopping, dinner, and maybe a movie. A full nights sleep would also be top on that list, but lets not get greedy. While I knew those plans would not come to fruition, I was hoping maybe some plans would. But when we all got sick earlier in the week I knew it was not even worth trying to plan something, at least not for Collin and I, or for the family, instead I was going to take a couple of hours to myself in the afternoon.
Sunday morning rolled around and after another night of practically no sleep I finally got up with the boys to make pancakes. We had just had pancakes on Saturday, but pancakes were the request so we got the bowl and ingredients out. They helped me pour in flour and beat the egg and mix it all up, but when it was time to pour the batter onto the griddle, they were off, spatting with each other. The first four turned out quite perfect, if I do say so myself. But the pan was hot and as I poured on the final three the boys were yelling, the baby was crying, and Collin was clanging dishes in the sink nearby. I could barely breath from all the snot and my head was ringing, the noise! Noise! NOISE! As I fumbled to open the bag of chocolate chips (a secret surprise) the smell of burning batter wafted up into my nose. I quick flipped them but it was too late, they were black. I threw the spatula on the counter, turned and screamed at my children, grabbed my coffee and stormed out of the room. The pancakes are burning! I yelled over my shoulder as I made my exit.
I got in the shower, trying desperately to wash away the bad start to the morning. I spent the next several hours solo. Church, a couple of stores, lunch at Noodles, Starbucks. At one point I missed my exit and found myself about 10 miles out of the way, so naturally I started crying. I think the emotions were largely due to my feeling physically ill, but all I could think was, is this really how I want to spend my birthday? Alone?
Oh Gawd, I don't know. No answer feels right.
After talking to a friend and my sister-in-law and brother on the phone I found myself back in my driveway. The boys had spotted me pull up and were in the window waving. When I came in the door they came running, Happy Birthday, Mommy! It kind of felt like I hit the reset button. And that was a welcome feeling.
Shortly after I got home Collin's Mom called to wish me a happy birthday and said they had left a message on Collin's phone that morning saying they'd take the kids for a couple of hours if we wanted to go out to eat. It was 5 pm and I'm not sure she meant the offer still stood, but within 10 minutes we had three pairs of pajamas packed and coats and shoes on.
We ended up at one of my favorite restaurants in town. The special was lobster. I also had a glass of Cabernet and followed my meal with creme brulee. It was only an hour and a half, but it was the hour and a half I so desperately needed. As we were sitting at dinner I looked at Collin and said, if this day is a representation of this entire year - it starts with burnt pancakes and ends with lobster.....I'm okay with that.
So here's to 2013! Let's make this one happy.
May your year be peaceful and full of abundant blessings.
May your year be less burnt pancakes and more lobster.