Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Gray

The car was still spinning through the slush and snow, about to make its way out of the drive, as I sat down at my desk.  I looked out the window and couldn't even make out the tree lines to the east, the fog was that thick. The stark white snow was startling to the dense gray that enveloped it.  

And that's when the tears started to flow.

Gray.  Heavy, thick gray.  

The emotions that I've done pretty good at pushing down have found a way to stir themselves up again. Feelings I haven't had since summer have crept back in.  

Overwhelmed.
Sad.
Worried.
Sometimes, scared of myself.

I'm doing too much.  
I'm doing too little.
I'm spinning, churning, trying hard to find the color.

But all I'm coming up with is gray.


5 comments:

CAS said...

Thinking of you! Sending a hug your way. It is natural to have horror thoughts and memories of the fire as it is very traumatic... give yourself some grace! Love you!

Gail Harper said...

I'm so sorry Kate. I've said it what seems like a hundred times this month with all of the loss we have been through, there is no right or wrong way to grieve and there is no time limit on grief. Thinking of you, always! <3

Jill said...

Sorry I have been absent from responding lately. Sending hugs your way! Call if you want to talk about it - even if it's late (you know I'm up!) :) Love you!

Kate said...

Thank you, you guys. Thank you so much! Love you all!

Amanda said...

I hope today was better :) Always here for you. Lovw ya <3