Thursday, March 22, 2012

Dinner at the house

I thought we'd get out to the house at some point yesterday, but after a morning filled with errands and doctor appointments, lunch out with a friend, and a long nap by one, Mr. Hutton, it didn't look promising.  By the time I called Collin, he and his dad were already packing up for the day.  Despite an offer to go to the park, this did not set well with my construction-loving boy. 

I don't want to go to the park!  I want to go to the job site!

A couple more calls between Collin and I and we devised a plan, we'd pick up Subway and have dinner at the house.

I can't say Keaton was the only one who wanted to get out there.  With this beautiful weather and the knowledge that our windows were delivered yesterday, I was pretty antsy as well.


There is a lawn chair that sits in the future kitchen, right by the patio door, it's the "break chair" - I pulled it over and back just a little ways so I could look out into the yard.  While yesterday afternoon was on the hot side, the evening was simply perfect.  As I sat there listening to nothing but the birds chirp and feeling the gentle breeze of the wind, all I could think was, Wow, it is so peaceful out here.  You'd think I was in a new vacation spot, not in a place we've lived now for six years.  It all felt so new.  So fresh.  So beautiful.

I voiced this to Collin and he kinda smiled.  "This is what we had." He said.

He didn't need to elaborate more than that, I knew exactly what he meant.  In the days following the fire I remember telling people, I feel so guilty, all I did was bitch about that house.  The kitchen/dining floors were never clean enough, the carpeting and couches were always covered in dog hair, there was always laundry to be done and dishes to be put away.  It was never in good enough shape for me.  I never stopped doing to just sit and enjoy, to just soak it all in.

And then it was gone.  And I so desperately wanted to take back all that complaining, take back that looking for perfection and simply enjoy those rooms, enjoy that space, enjoy our lives.

This is what we had.

It was always here.  Peace.  Joy.  Beauty. It might have been under crumbs or dog hair, but it was here.  And sitting there last night I vowed that from now on our lives will be different.  Sure, there will still be floors to clean and laundry that needs folding.  That stuff won't go away.  But I don't need to focus on it. I don't need to constantly be looking for perfection. Instead I'm going to soak up all that is around us.  The birds, the wind, the sun on the patio.  Dog hair, dirt, crumbs and all, I'm going to enjoy this house, enjoy these rooms, enjoy this life.


Mama B said...

Beautifully stated. Love how much the house is coming along already, can't wait to see it!

Jill said...

That was beautiful...and so true. Thank you for reminding us all to stop and appreciate all that we have! We all need that reminder once in awhile!

WOW on the house progress - it looks awesome!

Em said...

Love this post, Kate. It brought tears to my eyes. I want to do the same--enjoy what we have right in front of us. I could almost "feel" myself there with you, in that same--yet new--little spot in the world that is all yours. I loved seeing that pic of the house in progress...with Hutton standing there looking out. Simply beautiful.

Gail Harper said...

Well said! I've noticed more with Jacob these days, it's "mom watch this, mom can you watch me, mom play with me" and you know what, there is going to come a day when he's not going to want me to watch or to play so I've said to hell with the crumbs, the dog hair, the vision of perfect I once held, for all of that will still be around when my little boy is not. And I'd rather chase him, than dog hair any old day! I'm glad you found what you already had! :)

Anonymous said...

I really wish I could have made it over there when you called. It was the perfect kind of day for a visit. I can't wait to see it next week though. Keep me posted after your appointment.

And everything you said was very true. I think I will try my hardest to follow your example and not be so focused on all the things that need to get done, but focus more on all the things we have that make our house a home.

Love Ya
Tanya :)

CAS said...

Glad you are enjoying your new "Old" place! Yes- we need to enjoy the NOW!!!!! I told Ben this morning- all I want to do this weekend is go for a walk with him, hold hands and enjoy the NOW!