I'm in a funk. I'm floundering through life these days. Everything feels off. I've been snapping at Collin and the kids. I've had trouble concentrating at work. I clean the house but never make it to our bedroom or the bathroom because of my Type A neurosis that says rooms A, B, and C have to be clean before I can work on room D or E and as you can imagine A, B, and C need cleaning EVERY DAY, which means I never get to the back of the house and it makes me twitchy. I cook but cooking means more cleaning (dishes) so instead of enjoying it I dread it. I'm paying bills and balancing my check book on the fly, I don't feel like I have a good handle of what money is coming in or going out these days. There are some big financial decisions we need to make and I'm dragging my feet, talking, talking, talking, but never taking action to get things straightened out already.
I feel like I'm failing at every aspect of life. Wife. Mother. Employee. Housekeeper. Cook. I'm sucking at it all. Something tells me there is something deeper bothering me, but I haven't figured it out yet. So instead I keep floundering, I keep snapping at the family, I keep feeling generally like crap.
Every day we get a bit of sunshine, warm weather, I think this is the day things are going to turn around. I know the calendar says April but up until last week it was still very much winter here. However,we've had a few days in the past week that have definitely said 'spring is here' and the thing I love most about spring is the aspect of new life. The grass is back, the ground is more green than white or brown, plants are peaking through the ground. New life. The temperature is warm and the wind is blowing, we can finally open the windows and remove the stale air from the house and bring in fresh air. New life. We can start working in the yard, digging in the gardens, sweeping the entryways, raking the leaves. Getting things ready. Preparing. New life.
Right now what I could use more than anything is a breath of new life. I need to rid myself of disorganization and self-depreciating thoughts, I need to get up and move, make things happen and enjoy the beauty of this season. So although this list is coming awfully late, I wanted to write it down and post it and I'm hoping doing some of these things will break this funk. I'm hoping it will give me new life.
* Spring clean the entire house
We've lived here for over five years now and not once have we really scrubbed this house down. We've done a few rooms, but not the whole house. It's time. We plan to go through each room one at a time, clean, organize, simplify. I know full well this will likely take us all summer, but we need to start.
* Celebrate Easter with Breakfast with the Easter Bunny, coloring Easter eggs, and having an egg hunt.
* Start and maintain a fitness routine
Maintain is the operative word here. I've started many routines. Every Monday I 'start' one, it's maintaining that is my problem. But on the days I do work out I feel 100x better. My mood is vastly improved, I'm not as anxious, I have more energy. But then something always happens that derails me.
* Read 2 books
I'm in the middle of a book right now and I'm really enjoying it. But more than anything I'm enjoying spending a little time escaping and I find that reading is such a release for me. Something I need to make time for.
* Plant an herb garden
We bought a new container for our herb garden this year and I'm so excited to get things planted.
* Place bird feeders
Keaton is really into birds right now and Papa gave us two bird feeders. I want to get them up so we can talk about them and learn more about birds.
* Buy fresh flowers (tulips if possible) for the table.
It would not be spring to me without tulips. However, last year the tulips in the store were just so-so and if that's the case it's not worth the money, so fresh flowers of some sort it is.
* Do something in celebration of May Day
What are you doing this season?