I hate living in a dirty/messy house. I don’t function well when things aren’t organized, but during weeks 6-11 of pregnancy I can hardly get off the couch to feed myself, let alone vacuum the crevices of the living room. So I don’t. And thankfully, for the sanity of everyone in this household, I don’t care. Collin did the best he could to keep the house clean during those weeks and I’m very grateful for that. But when you have a toddler and animals (OMG, the animals!!) the house is bound to become dirty. Now that my first trimester is over and I’m feeling good again I’ve started cleaning. Deep cleaning. I only plan on 2 rooms per week. With the toddler’s daily messes and the dog/cat hair (OMG, the hair!) that require bi-weekly vacuuming/sweeping I know I would not be able to accomplish much more than that.
Last Saturday I scrubbed the dining room clean. The floor, the windows, the furniture. On Sunday it was the living room. We sorted toys, cleaned the mantle, moved furniture to vacuum. I knew at the time it was probably too much and when I lay in bed on Sunday evening, my whole body aching, I was certain of it. On Monday I had to leave work early because I felt so lousy.
I told everyone I think I over-did it. My body just didn’t feel right.
Yesterday, and again this morning, I think I found out why. I’ve been spotting again. It’s brown blood, the “good” blood, but it still scares the crap out of me. I don’t know for sure that it was this weekend’s activities that caused it, but I feel it might have been.
I need to slow down.
The doctor warned me that this might happen; that as it heals I might have incidents where “it” tears again. Seeing the blood yesterday morning wasn’t shocking to me, but still, I cannot shake the fear of what it could mean - the risk of going early. I try not to spend too much time dwelling on it, but I’m nervous I’m going to go too early. I’m nervous that this baby is going to come before he/she is ready. And all I could think yesterday is that I need to do everything I can to prevent that.
I need to slow down.