When I wiped and realized the paper was saturated in bright red blood I went numb.
I wiped two more times before it was gone and as I exited the bathroom stall I was shaking. The only thought, running repeatedly through my mind was 'please let the baby be okay.'
I ran into a friend on my way back to my office and in a state of shock I blurted out what had happened. As I waited for a call back from the doctor I saw another friend on Google chat and dropped the bomb again. All I could tell them was there was blood. Alot of blood. Not spotting. Blood. My eyes welled up with tears more than once and I felt like I might loose it. Thankfully the doc's office was good and put a "high alert" on my call. Within a half hour they had my ultrasound booked. I made the appropriate calls and packed up a few things, not knowing if I'd be back.
As I drove my mind was blank. The roads to the clinic are familiar; I drive them all the time, and yet I didn't know where I was. Did I pass the gas station? Was it still coming up? I didn't know but I needed to get water. I finally found the store and all I can remember is that is smelled like corn dogs and I used my debit card to made a $1.19 purchase.
I drove the 2 min. further to the clinic, pulled into a parking spot and started chugging. My bladder needed to be full for the exam. As Collin's truck came whipping into the lot I felt a lump in my throat and tears sprang to my eyes. It was then that it really hit me why we were here.
Given the circumstances I fully expected the tech to turn the screen away from us, but much to my surprise as I laid on the bed she rotated it so we could see. When she put the wand down I saw the baby move. Or, at least, that's what I thought I saw. Two seconds later she pointed out the heartbeat and I breathed a sigh of relief.
As she took her shots we got to see the baby wiggle under the weight of the wand. He or she was kicking and punching and had a heart rate of 143.
What started out as a bad day turned out to be okay. Good, actually, because we loved being able to see the baby again.
The tech told us she saw nothing of concern and when the nurse called me with the results she confirmed that. Placenta looks good, cervix is closed. They saw no reason for the bleeding. Thankfully I have my 16-week OB appointment tomorrow, so I'll have a chance to talk to my doc directly and ask questions. For tonight though we feel at peace, the baby was moving and looked good, that's all we could ask for.