Thursday, August 6, 2009

Lessons in Biology

When I entered college in September 1998 I was a declared Biology major with the intent of applying to my school’s Physical Therapy program. In the second semester of my freshman year I found myself sitting in Botany listening to a professor I didn’t quite like and going to labs that I didn’t quite understand. Upon completion of our first exam my grade was a dismal C. So, I did what all hard working, diligent students do. I dropped the class and switched my major to Accounting.

Biology, it seemed, was not my cup of tea.

This little fact came rushing back to me on Saturday night as I found myself giving a 5 year old her first lesson in science.

Following the wedding Saturday night we drove up to Jenny & Matt’s in Green Bay. We had missed A’s 2nd birthday party that afternoon and had planned to spend the night and Sunday afternoon with them, hanging out and seeing the boys. It was an hour and a half drive north from Plymouth and we arrived around 10:30 pm. Keaton had fallen asleep on the way there, but as soon as we got inside he was up, raring to go and ready to eat. Jenny’s niece, M., loves babies and had followed me up the stairs, she didn’t want to miss any opportunities to hold the baby. We played on the floor for awhile but quickly it became evident that I needed to feed Keaton, and I needed to do it now.

I climbed up in the rocking chair and waited for M. to head back down to the bonfire but she didn’t really want to go. There was a baby in the room and she wanted every second possible with him. As Keat became more and more agitated I realized I couldn’t wait any longer.

As discretely as possible I laid Keaton in my lap, lifted my shirt and began to breastfeed him. When I looked up I knew instantly it wasn’t the best decision I had ever made. M’s eyes were as big as saucers, her mouth was gaping open, and her face with laced with fear, and intrigue, but mostly fear. She stood there frozen and it felt as though time was standing still. She finally mustered up the courage to ask:

M: Is that how he eats?

Me: Ummmm…..yes?

M: By sucking on you?

Me: Ummmm……no?

Thankfully Collin walked in at that moment and saved me. I gave him those wild eyes that clearly say Help! M. turned on her heels to look at Collin and when he asked if she wanted to go outside she nodded, “Uh, huh.” As she ran out of the room I realized I made a very good decision back in the spring of 1999, it is obvious that biology lessons are not my forte.


Kristin C. said...

I LOVE that shocked holycrapwhy isthatbabysuckingonyou look. I get it from my neice EVERYTIME I nurse Elkey. Super uncomfortable.

Amy Bomstad said...

HA!!! This post is hilarious! I agree with the others. You should be a writer! I always look forward to your posts b/c they are so unique and so freakin' funny!!!

My parents also say that Cayle looks like Adam and not me. I thought so too until I saw my baby pic..but they are still convinced he looks like Adam. Whatever!!
I think Keaton looks a lot more like you now that he is getting older.


Kristi said...

I have had this happen to me a couple of times in the last few weeks. One little girl who has a baby brother who is bottle fed tried to follow me when I went to feed Addie. Barry was right behind telling her to come with him because I needed to feed the baby. I shut the door and she started questioning him. Why does she need to feed in the dark? Where's the bottle? He tried to work around it for awhile and then I think he directed her toward her mom. It was pretty funny.

samantha said...

I loved the "Um. . . .no?"


thee_archer said...

Hahaha! I remember trying to explain to my cousin's little bo about Noah is my baby, and my mom is a grandma. My mother even told him " I'm Ashleigh's mom, and she is Noah's mom" He looked at te both of us and said " YOUR NOT A GRANDMA, YOU'RE A LIAR"! I love the way small childen veiw the world.