Friday, January 30, 2009

Dear Keaton: 1 Month

Dear Keaton,

Today you are one month old. I can hardly believe it. It feels like just yesterday we were speeding to the hospital in the middle of the night and welcoming you into our lives. As I type this you are lying curled up on my chest, your arms are out to either side as if you were hugging me and I can hear your little breaths go in and out. Sitting here I can’t help but be amazed at how much one little guy has taught me about myself in such a short amount of time.

To say that you have brought joy to my life is such an understatement. You have brought so much more than that. You have brought love and happiness and excitement and anticipation for the future. You have made my heart whole and I love you more than I thought possible.

I’m not sure I realized just how amazing motherhood would be. Sure, I’m a little light on the sleep and the house has been kept nowhere near the standards I’d like it to be, but when I look at the dishes piled in the sink or floors that need to be swept and start to feel the anxiety creeping in all I have to do is take you into your nursery and sit with you in the chair to remember that none of that matters.

We have spent many, many hours sitting in the glider together. It usually starts out with a feeding but it typically lasts well beyond the time it takes you to eat. I can’t help but just linger there, breathing in your scent, examining your little hands and toes, listening to your breath. Those are my favorite moments, when it is just you and me. As you sleep I watch your movements, the way you stretch your arms and legs is so familiar to me, it is exactly what I felt when you were in my belly.

You were a strong little bugger when you were born, and your strength has only increased this month. When we hold you, you push off our chests if you want to look around and during tummy time you will hold your head up for a number of seconds before turning it to the other side. Your puppy is always right there with you when we do tummy time and as she inches up closer and closer I see your eyes get bigger and brighter. You haven’t started following much with your eyes yet, but I’m pretty certain you have seen her.

Because your focus isn’t great yet you are comforted more by the sound of our voice and by our touch. Some of the things you really don’t like include: getting your onesie changed, getting your diaper changed, and putting lotion on after your bath. You especially don’t like the lotion and sometimes you will get yourself so worked up that you’ll tense all of your limbs, start to shake, and then belt out with the loudest cry ever. I feel kind of bad admitting this, but it is so cute I can’t help but giggle at you. When you do this I grab your little hands and put my face down by yours and tell you that Mommy is here and almost instantly you settle down.

You also get worked up when you are really hungry. Sometimes you become a little frantic and instead of latching on you shove your hand in your mouth and just start sucking away. When I remove your hand you do one of two things: shove the other one in your mouth or open your mouth wide and jerk your head from side to side, and again I can’t help but giggle, because you look just like a little bird.

Some of my most favorite memories from this month have occurred while you were nursing. There are times when you are calm; your eyes are closed, your breathing steady, and your hands open and close in a slow, rhythmic pattern, caressing my skin. It is during these moments that I truly experience serenity. Other times you are more alert. During these feedings your eyes are open and darting around and you hold my thumb in your hand, every so often giving it a little squeeze. Either way, calm or alert, I can tell that you are content and that you feel safe and it is then that I realize the only thing I really want to do in life is be a good mother.

Nursing also has it humorous moments. Every so often you will grab onto the strap of my bra with both hands while you kick your feet out straight behind you. You have a little grimace on your face and you look like your hanging on for dear life. Daddy once said to you “Gosh Keaton, you’re eating, not jumping out of an airplane.”

The things you have liked this month include bath time, especially when Daddy pours warm water over you or we lay your duck luve on your belly, and having books read to you. Your favorite book this month was The Pokey Little Puppy. When you are fussy you like to be held close to our chests tucked under our chin. If you are not close enough you will let us know by squirming your way up there.

Everyone believes that their child is special, but we believe you are truly gifted. You have been gifted with what we like to call a clean diaper sensor. I’m not kidding you Little One, within 5 minutes of changing your diaper you are either farting or filling it back up. This was a little frustrating to your Daddy and me at first. Now we just look at each other, shrug, and say “ehhh - clean diaper sensor.” This little trick of yours to let off stinkers, as if on command, is what has earned you the nickname Stink Stink. Or just Stink, for short. Your other nicknames this month have included, Keaters, Little Buddy, and Bugs (short for buggers).

Well, what can I say kiddo – it has been an amazing month. I have enjoyed every second of getting to know you outside of my belly and I look forward to the month ahead.

All my love,


amanda said...

Beautifully said, Katie! I'm glad The Pokey Little Puppy was a big was always one of my favorites! I can't wait to meet him!!!

Kira said...

what a beautiful post Kate, it is amazing how quickly that month went. I hate to say it but the time sure does go quickly doesn't it. Can't wait to see the little one tomorrow!

Aubrey said...

It's just amazing what they can do for you isn't it? I'm so glad that these emotions are the ones overwhelming you. Enjoy every moment and keep us posted. I love it!

Michele said...

How adorable! Keaton is just precious as was this post!!

Can't wait to see him in person!!

Em said...

Beautifully written and so heart-felt, Kate. Thank you for sharing all of these little details.

Andrew Ryne said...

So sweet - He will love your letters when he gets older. I wish I would of thought to do one monthly.

Jill said...

This was just beautiful - I had tears when I was reading it! It's so hard to describe these emotions, so I'm glad you attempted it! Thanks for sharing!