Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Our Easter weekend was very nice; we were able to spend time with some friends and family and I didn't think twice about our taxes not being completed. Until, like I said, Sunday evening. And that's when it hit me like a Mac truck. BAM! Your taxes aren't done!! It's March 23rd and you only have 23 days left to file. What are you thinking????
Now, you may be sitting there thinking to yourself, what's the problem, she still has 23 days? And I would say to you: Yes, you're correct I still have 23 days, also, I'm jealous of your calm, collected, Type B-ness. Unfortunately, there is nothing calm or collected about me when I get something in my head. And this time, that something was that our taxes needed to be done RIGHT. THIS. SECOND. Except, it was 10 pm and there was no way in hell I was going to start working on them then.
I went to work on Monday and I have no idea how I was able to get anything accomplished because all that was on my mind is that my taxes weren't done!! So Monday night I pulled out all of the paper work and started getting down to business. And then I remembered why I had put this project off. For the past couple of years I've had something that has caused me heartache while doing taxes. Last year it was my parent's sales of securities, which wasn't a problem until their broker wouldn't provide a cost basis. Assholes. I'm still bitter about that one. You don't even want to know how long it took me to go back to the early 90's to determine their basis. And don't try to tell me there is an easier way - I'm a Type A, which means NO ESTIMATING!
This year my issue was that I had to start depreciating Duplex # 1. Which again, isn't really a big deal except that we didn't buy this duplex, we built it, so I wanted to make sure I was using the right cost. When I finally decided that I was doing it correct (I hope!?) my calculation of depreciation for this year was $7 off from what the system was telling me. $7 people!! A sensible person would say, awesome, I got it. But I am not sensible. I said. $7 -what the hell is wrong here? And so I made myself sick with the worry (seriously, my stomach hurt so bad I could barely move yesterday) until I finally figured last night that I had fretted and calculated long enough and it was time to say eff the $7 and file your taxes already. And so I did. And then I printed out the return and the reason for the $7 difference was perfectly and I mean perfectly clear. And today I got an email saying that both our Federal and State returns have been accepted. And all is right with the world again.
Speaking of our duplexes, I don't know if anyone is interested, but I always said I'd send pictures and have never actually done that because, well, I've never taken any pictures. But, we have one for sale right now, and our realtor has some photos up online. We're thinking about taking this off the market soon, but in the meantime, if you want to see some pictures click here. This is duplex # 2, but #1 is very similar.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Don’t tell a women who has just confessed to you that she is trying to conceive (regardless if that journey has been 1 month, 2 months, 8 months, 2 years, or 6 years) but is having some difficulties that it is because she is “stressing out too much.” Trust me when I say that we are already beating ourselves and our bodies up enough for not functioning correctly, we don’t need you to tell us, even if it is true, that it is OUR FAULT that they are not functioning. And also, when she tells you that no, actually there is something wrong, do not INSIST that no, it is because she is stressing out too much.
Unless of course you are in the market for a swift kick to the ribs.
Stressing out?? I’ll show you stressing out….right after I pile drive your ass to the ground. BE-OTCH.
On second opinions
Ever since my doctors appointment back in January a number of you have suggested that I get a second opinion. I agreed with you, but doing that would have required picking up the phone and making a call…to a NEW clinic. Here is an interesting little tidbit about me if you didn’t already know; I’m terrified of the phone. One time when I was about 10 years old I made my brother, my 6 year old brother! call to make me a hair cut appointment. With my NEIGHBOR! It’s not like I didn’t know her! To this day if I have to make a phone call to someone I don’t know I lock myself in the bathroom and take a deep breath before dialing. Okay, 3 deep breaths. Once in awhile Collin will find me shut in the bathroom when I’m on the phone with YOU! He always gives me a weird look, like I’m trying to hide something. In reality I am just very nervous on the phone. So, that’s why I hadn’t made the call.
But, last Tuesday Kira invited me to a talk on Infertility at the hospital she works at and the doctor moved me so much that the next day I made the appointment. No! No! I made TWO appointments. I made TWO separate phone calls to new clinics!!
Here’s the long story short: The Doc that was talking is a fertility specialist who is opening a new satellite clinic in the area and accepting new patients with no qualifications (which is what made me nervous, I couldn’t stop thinking that my journey hasn’t been that bad yet – I’m now starting to realize there is no predetermined hurdle you have to leap to enter that territory, everyone’s case is different). After hearing him talk I realized I have options and there is no better time to start working on these options than right now. So I called the next day but I couldn’t get in to see him until the end of April (the next time he will be in town). I also talked to their billing department and found out that although the hospital he will be working out of is covered under my insurance, since he is based out of Minneapolis it would be considered out-of-network for my coverage; which means it will be covered but not at the same rate (ie. I’ll have to start paying some out of pocket expenses). After talking to one of my friends at work, who has been through a lot of this already, she AGAIN suggested that maybe I should try to first get in with another doc and just see if they would prescribe the “next step” – which from talking to friends who have been through this and listening to the doc talk and all the reading I’ve done, I’m pretty sure is Clomid, or something of that sort; something to (hopefully) induce ovulation. So, I called the clinic this fertility specialist will be working through and got an appointment with a (regular gyn) doctor there. And guess how long it took me to get in there as a NEW patient?? 3 Weeks. 3 WEEKS! With my own doctor they couldn’t get me in for 6 weeks. I’m realizing now just how big of a problem that is. Overall I am just not happy with the care I’ve been receiving from my current clinic, so I’m confident that this was a good decision, whatever happens from here on out, it is time for me to move on.
So, my appointment is April 4th and Kira told me last night that she’s heard good things about the doc I’ll be seeing. If this first appointment goes well, I will cancel the appointment with the specialist at the end of April. If I’m not happy with it, I’ll go see him too.
I’m so excited to hopefully get the show on the road.
On Girls Nights
I think there should be some sort of law that requires all women to participate in a Girls Night at least once a month. My trip to Milwaukee was all-around really great; but the highlight by far was dinner with the girls on Thursday night. Can I just tell you for a second how much I love these girls?? I called April on Tuesday night, two nights before I was supposed to arrive in town, to confirm that I was indeed coming. She, in turn, sent out an email that evening to Emily, Jen, Kelly, and Jamie asking about dinner plans on Thursday night. And all 6 of us were there! It was so lovely. We ordered a bottle of wine and talked for 3 hours before the manager came over asked if everything had been okay. It was then we finally realized that the place had pretty much cleared out with the exception of us. Here’s to good times with good friends! Thanks girls, I really needed that!
On my current feelings for M@ry K@y sales people
What I recall you saying to us at dance class was “I’ve just started selling MK, would you guys be willing to help me out and be models some evening?” Now, maybe I’ve jumbled the words in my mind. Or hell, maybe I made them up completely. But I can tell you that I was just a little surprised when we walked in last night and realized the only people we’d be modeling for was US. Also, I didn’t realize by “just started” you meant “have been selling for 10 years.” Lastly, I found it just a little interesting that we happened to come on a night that following our “modeling” there was a new salesperson’s recruitment meeting. That, you know, we could stay for if we’d like. All we have to do is watch the DVD and then we could get FREE STUFF. Doesn’t that sound grand?
Your products actually look nice, but the fact that you pulled out your calculator and pen before we’d even made it through the catalog made me that much more determined NOT to make a purchase.
Monday, March 17, 2008
So today as I walked to the printer I thought, wow, must have been a "green" morning, everyone here is sporting a shade of the color. It took me a couple of hours to realize, you idiot, it's St. Patrick's Day. Nice of you to come wearing beige....again. All day long I kinda wanted to greet people saying, good morning, I swear I have nothing against leprechauns...promise.
The problem was, we already celebrated St. Patty's Day, we did it on Saturday at the "Busa Beer O'lympics" and it was an effing blast. So fun that I forgot today was the actual day. So fun that even through I decided not to drink, I still had a riot. And, no shit, I took 350 pictures!
The one thing I will say about Wisconsinites is that when we throw a party, we THROW A PARTY! The beer o'lympics consisted of the following events:
- Irish Musical Chairs- in which you had to chug, run around the chairs, run back to the table and chug, run around the chairs, and repeat until the music stops.
- Trust Run - one partner is blind folded and the other has their hands tied behind their back. The tied partner had to verbally guide the blindfolded one to a table where they had to pick up two beers, bring them back to table one and pour them into a mug thing (which looked like a large test tube used in chemistry class) - all while blindfolded. Then the partners switched and they continued until the mugs were full and then had to chug. It was about two beers they had to chug and surprisingly no one puked.
- Green Egg Toss - pretty self explanatory
- Chug n Run - Run to the table, spin around a golf club three times, grab two beers, slalom through the trees, bring beers back to your partner to chug and then your partner goes.
- Flippy Cup - Normal rules except you only play with two people and go back and forth instead of a team
- Beer Pong - Normal rules
I was going to share some pictures with you but Blogger is being an asshole - he must have something against leprechauns - so I'll put them on Flickr instead. Hope you had a Happy St. Patrick's Day!!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
In other news, as I was walking with the crowds out the office door to run some errands over lunch a lady was on her way back in and said "You don't want to go out there....it is SO nice out...you won't be able to come back." I found this somewhat humorous considering it is only 41 degrees. Now granted, this is approximately 40 degrees warmer than it has been lately, but it still calls for a coat and gloves. Well, for me at least. In 3 or 4 months time if it was 41 degrees no one would dare set foot outside at lunch. What a cold, crappy day it is today, would be the commentary instead. Everything is so relative.
*Did I use this word correctly? It sounded good in my head and I consulted Dictionary.com, but I'm really just not sure??
Monday, March 10, 2008
As I was writing the last post I thought long and hard about including the commentary about how others words don’t always help. How sometimes they make it worse. I thought about skipping that part, leaving it out, pretending it isn’t the case. But if I’m being truthful, I can’t leave this out. At the same time, by being honest I am afraid I may hurt others feelings again. Please don’t take these words that way. There is no running tally of who has said what; in actuality I’m just grateful that you have said anything and I am grateful that you have opened your ears and listened.
What scares me so much these days is that if I can’t get in touch with my feelings, if I can’t sort it out internally then I am going to slowly alienate those around me. I know this blanket of darkness and these feelings of hopelessness can be felt by others and I can’t blame anyone from not wanting to be around that. At the beginning of this journey I promised myself that I would not get angry, I would not get bitter. I would not allow these negative emotions. But without my consent, it has happened anyway and I know that I need to put a stop to it before my heart turns completely black. So please bear with me, and if I’ve offended you in anyway, feel free to speak up, because that is not my intent. My friends and family mean the world to me; it is all of you that give me the will, the drive, to be a better person.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
You keep your trying a secret for now, although those that know you best don’t have to ask, they can sense it, they know, they give you a smirk when you pass up the glass of wine. They want to ask but most of them stay silent knowing you will talk when the timing is right. For the few that you know would harass you over your desire to stop drinking simply in preparation, you fake it. You fill the glass with juice and soda; you pull the waitress aside and ask for a cranberry and sprite. She brings it back and sets it in front of you, “cranberry vodka”, she says; and you’re spared the explanation to those that don’t agree with your tactics.
Around month four you start to tell your secret. You know most are assuming that you’ve already succeeded and are just waiting for the announcement. But there is no announcement and you’re starting to get frustrated with the progress, or, actually, lack of progress because in fact there has been none. In actuality you only ever had one chance, that first month; that would have been the only time it would have even been possible. You haven’t been given a second chance. You start talking because you feel like you need support. And like you knew, people are there to listen and they offer words that are meant to ease your pain, make you feel better. You are certain that their intentions are good because you’ve said all of these very same things to your friends that have struggled. What you never knew before is that these words don’t always help. In fact, sometimes they make it worse. So you stop talking. You don’t even talk to your husband because, lets face it, men and women are built differently. He is rational, you are emotional. You don’t understand each other.
By month seven you have learned to limit the conversation only to the technicalities, the results of the blood work, the doctor’s advice. You mention the pain and frustration but for the most part you put on a happy face. You smile and say that you know you are blessed, because you are, and you know everything is going to work out in the end, because it will. But without even realizing it the pain has manifested itself in your heart. You start to feel angry and bitter. But you keep the happy face on and you don’t admit to yourself just how bad it has become. You don’t admit that you are not okay. Before you know it the pain is causing you to say things and hurt the people you love most. You decide that it would be better to stay away from people all together. You start to dread social functions; you, the one that used to be the life of the party, the “wild one”. You hate being in public because you feel awkward and uncomfortable. You don’t even know who you are anymore. You used to live for group activities but now you are only comfortable in solitude; because it is there that you can break down. It happens in the car on the way home from work, it happens in the bathroom after taking a shower. These are the places that you can admit that your life feels like a big black hole. You fantasize about moving back to the city, about being anywhere but here. Maybe there you could find yourself again; because this surely isn’t you. You have no idea who this hopeless, pitiful person is or how she got into your body. But, by the time you emerge from the car or open the bathroom door you’ve replaced the tears with your happy face, the face you are supposed to wear. I mean look around, you have so much, how can you not feel happy with life? You need to be strong; no one likes a weak, emotional woman. So you trudge on and you push those feelings of destitute out of your mind. You only allow yourself to feel them in the car or in the bathroom, where on one can see.
You begin to realize that the only time you truly feel happy is at mass on Sunday morning. There you feel whole, complete. That feeling lasts for a couple of days, keeps you going. By Wednesday the weight on your chest is back. It hurts to breath. By Friday you can barely get yourself out of bed. But soon Sunday will be here, and then the cycle will begin again.
Edited to Add: After rereading this I'm afraid some may read it with a very angry undertone. I just want to clarify that that is not what I intended. What I wanted to portray was the very lonely, isolating feeling that this struggle has on so many. Also, please don't feel that because I said sometimes the words make things feel worse that that means we don't appreciate them. The last thing I want to do is make anyone feel alienated by saying this. Knowing we have friends and family that care means everything in the world.
Friday, March 7, 2008
11:58 pm - Shit, Maia is sneaking out of the room. I really don't want to get up and go get her, but she didn't go to the bathroom before we went to bed and the last thing I need is to be cleaning up a pool of dog piss in the morning.
12:05 am - okay, the dog has gone to the bathroom and we're back in bed. Thank God I still have a good 5 hours to sleep. This is going to be the best five hours ever.
Sometime between 12:05 & 1:32 am - the details are fuzzy but I remember eating a chocolate chip cookie.....that had cat hair on it. (???? what the???) [end scene]
[beg. scene] There is a man with a boat. A big boat. A big black pirates ship. It is moving out to sea and on it are all of my friends and family. They are shackled. They have been kidnapped and they need help. I must help them. I am the only one that made it out safely and now I have to get them back. But I can't do it alone, I have to find someone to help me. There's a bike, it's is my only hope of finding someone quickly. I jump on and ride through town. But the town is dark and a storm is moving in. I'm yelling at the top of my lungs HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! I've ridden down the entire street and not one house has a light on. Either no one is home, or they know better than to mess with this man. I scream anyway. Up ahead I see a boy on a bike. I peddle faster, I have to catch up with him. Maybe he can help me. Hey, Hey you, Please help me!!! I'm waiving papers around, they have a picture of the pirates ship on it - please, just look at these, I need your help. The boy turns towards me, narrows his eyes and furrows his brow. He seems mad. I don't care, I need his help. As I shake the papers towards him, trying to explain what happened he demands "What are you blogging about?" [end scene]
1:32 am - I wake up and my heart is racing. What the hell was that? Is someone in the house? I lie very still. No. No one is in the house, it was just a bad dream. Was I yelling out loud? No. The dog is still snoring beside me. I lie there for awhile, convincing myself it is okay, there are no pirates here to kidnap me. Shit though, if someone did come in I don't even have my phone in the room to call for help. I should really go get that phone.
1:35 am - Head back out into the kitchen to grab my phone and hell, while I'm up I might as well take a bathroom break. Maia is wondering what we are doing up again. But hey, if we're up, lets play!
1:40 am - Back to bed. At least I have about three hours left to sleep.
3:20 am - What the fuck? Are you serious, I'm awake again?? Now what is the problem? Nothing. Go back to sleep.
5:00 am - The sound of bells chiming wakes me up. It's the alarm. There is NO WAY it is already 5 am. Look at clock. Shit, it is. I'll reset it for 5:30.
5:30 am - The damn bells are going off again....That effing alarm, I just reset it, why is it going off again?
5:45 am - finally stumble out of bed feeling nothing like a queen OR a well rested baby.
7:22 am, en route to meeting # 1 - Laugh as I think about the boy in my dream who yelled "What are you blogging about?!" Wonder if that is supposed to mean anything? Decide I'll blog about it.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
- The sun shining (even if it is only 9 degrees)
- Butter Rum flavoring at Mountain Mud
- A dog who poops OUTSIDE
- Text messages from friends
- A husband who starts my car in the morning so it is nice and toasty on my way to work
I'm writing this now, before my day kicks into high gear because I'm certain by the time I get home tonight I will probably forget what a great start to the day I had.
What are you thankful for today?
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
- Lean Cuisines
- High waisted pants
- the kink in my neck
We're currently going through the equivalent of an annual gynecological exam at work and the preparation has been intense. We're finally "up in the stirrups" so to speak and so far the Doctor hasn't found anything worth major concern. Everyone is holding their breath though and we will never be so happy when this month comes to a close. On top of that, I've had some really stringent deadlines with my normal duties at work, so by the time I get home at night I'm really just tired.
But, I have no time to be tired because on Monday's I'm still in Bible Study and Wednesday's are dance class and Friday's are Fish Fry night. I know what you are thinking....Fish fry? Seriously? And yes, I am serious. There is nothing more serious than a Friday Fish Fry in Wisconsin. In fact, I received an email today already making plans for this coming Friday. This is very serious stuff. :)
So for the past few weeks I feel like my gears has been set to full throttle, both physically and mentally. There has been no time to rest or to think too deeply - it has been go go go. And I think it has finally caught up with me. I'm exhausted. And even with a really good nights sleep last night, I'm still not functioning very well.
The funny thing is, or is it ironic? Or maybe just plain stupid.... but I'm already thinking about the things that are going to fill my schedule once Bible Study and Dance are over in April and May, respectively. Here's my current list of potential "things to fill my free time so that I may bitch and moan about how I never have enough time to relax":
- Dog training class for Maia
- Yoga class
- Photography class
I have learned that I can't do more than two things at once, any more and I think I'd self destruct. So we'll see which of these, if any, I actually end up doing.
In other, unrelated news (although I'm not sure any of this post really ties together, but you see that is the state of my mind these days) you may have heard that Brett Farve announced his retirement today (I find it kind of funny, or is it ironic again?? that in this article he repeats over and over how tired he is - I hear ya Brett, I hear ya!) As you can imagine, it is a sad day in Wisconsin. I have to admit this news doesn't really surprise me at all; he has always said that he wanted to go out on a good year, and last year was a good year. Also, the story was leaked about a week ago online.... Regardless, he will be greatly missed.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
A big congrats goes out to Kira, who is our February Fitness Challenge winner. Kira received 20 bonus points this month, which means she tried 4 new exercises. Great job! Kira, send me an email with your prize choice from the list below.
- Lifting gloves - I prefer lifting with free weights, or dumbbells, opposed to using machines. The only downfall of this is that my hands used to ache after a session. I distinctly remember going to class in college after a morning workout and rubbing my hands as the professor spoke. They were always red and calloused. A couple of years ago I finally bought a pair of lifting gloves and my hands have thanked me ever since. I've never used them during a cardio session but as I was searching for these I realized they actually make cardio specific gloves. If your hands ever bother you while on the elliptical or bike, this might be something you should check out. This particular pair is multi-purpose so I think you should be able to use them for either cardio or weight training.
- Tae Bo - Amped Jump Start Cardio - I am a HUGE fan of Billy Blanks and Tae Bo. I've been doing Tae Bo since college and can honestly say I haven't done a Tae Bo workout that I didn't love. My beloved Tae Bo-Advanced (VHS circa 1999) tape was recently eaten by my tape player on the TV and I was devastated. I think I actually had tears. After our treadmill then went up in smoke - seriously, I'll have to tell you that story later, it is a good one - Collin bought me this set for Valentine's Day. I love it! The Jump Start Cardio dvd is the first in the collection. The great thing about workout tapes is that they don't take up alot of space and you can do them at home. The one thing I would tell you though, don't do Tae Bo on your carpet. Put something down under your feet when using these tapes. Because you are doing alot of twisting and turning your shoes may leave black spots on the carpet.
- 1-year Subscription to Muscle & Fitness Hers - This is my all-time favorite fitness magazine because it lacks the fluff that most women's exercise magazines contain. The women in these magazines are mostly bodybuilders so their bodies are muscular opposed to super skinny, which seems to be the trend in alot of other magazines. I subscribed to this back in college and I saved all of my magazines and still refer to alot of the workouts they have in them. A couple of years after college it seemed the magazine was caving to the fluffiness of other workout mags and I stopped subscribing. This past summer I picked up a magazine before our trip out East and I'm so happy to say the buff is back!
And now, for our March Fitness Challenge.....I've been trying to think of a good name for this challenge and all I can come up with it "Kick it up a 'notch" but when I say it I think of Emeril.....oh well, we're going to go with it.
Now that we've completed two whole months of the Challenge this month is going to be about breaking that plateau some of you may have found yourself in. I'm going to send you each an email that has your average weekly points for the last two months. For each week in March that you report at least 3 points more than your average, so an extra 30 minutes of exercise, you will receive 10 bonus points for the week. So, kick it up a notch by adding roughly 1 more workout per week to earn your bonus points! Good luck and have fun!