We spent this past weekend in Milwaukee visiting some of my friends from college. The drive down was pretty uneventful until we hit Good Hope. And that’s when it happened, that’s when it always happens. Oh shit, oh shit, what is going on? What are these emotions that are going all stir crazy inside me?? Abort mission! Turn the car around, this place always does this to me!
I love it and I hate it. I miss the old times while at the same time I long for the future. I want to go back to Friday night happy hours at Club Brady. I want to dance the night away at Cush and shit, I wouldn’t even mind making a stop to smoke the hookah. At the same time I can’t wait to bring my children to a game a Miller Park, or take them to the Milwaukee County Zoo or the Public Museum.
As we exit on Van Buren, I start to feel guilty that I miss the partying days. Aren’t those supposed to be behind me? Aren’t we trying to start a family? Remember, you don’t like hangovers any more.
I know....I bet I’d feel better if we had a baby in the back seat. Then I could look back and smile and say, hey little one, this is the city where Mommy and Daddy met. We had some crazy fun times here. But Thank God those days are over and you’re with us now.
The problem is… we don’t have a baby. It is just the two of us in the car and I realize that I’m in limbo. Not quite the party girl I used to be, not yet the mother I want to be. Just stuck here in the middle…missing the past but yearning for the future.