Sunday, February 17, 2008

Desperate Times call for Desperate Measures

Last night we were at a graduation party when Ma Kono came up to me and said, “I need to talk to you, but Collin can’t hear.” As she sashayed in front of him and nudged him out of the way she whispered “We need to Feng Shui your house.” I started laughing, ahh, that’s why Collin can’t hear….he doesn’t particularly care for Feng Shit (his words). She continued, “I was working on my children and creativity corner this afternoon and thought of you guys, this is the area to improve to be able to conceive and bear children.” That was all she needed to say, my eyes grew wide and I asked how soon she could be there.

See, the thing is, I’m frustrated….no… I’m beyond frustrated, I’m border line pissed. Although the progesterone worked and my period started at the end of January, I’m now on CD27, the day before a “normal” woman would begin her period, and so far I’ve had no conclusive evidence that I’ve ovulated. The doctor told me that it wasn’t necessary to chart my BBT (basal body temperature) this month; he said I could do that after I get on a normal monthly schedule. But I had to. I’m sick and tired of being patient and waiting it out. I did that between the months of October and January, when I had to wait 3 months before they’d let me schedule an appointment. By tracking my temperature changes at least I felt like I was doing something. In the end I can’t change whether or not I actually drop an egg, but by temping at least I have a little more knowledge of what is going on.

A little over a week ago my temperature spiked, and for those that have ever had to do this, you know that is a good sign. Although I only had two days worth of temps I really thought it had happened and I was high on life. What made it even better was that we had BD (baby dance – aren’t you loving these terms?) on the suspected ovulation day. But, I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up, a couple of days later my temps plummeted and Fertility Friend changed their stance from “ovulation detected” to “ovulation NOT detected”. Grrrrr. I wanted to throw things, I wanted to yell….oh wait I did do a lot of the latter. Poor Collin, I’ve been such a BITCH this week.

So here I am, another month almost gone and although I know that I need to be patient, and I know that things happen for a reason, and I know it is all on God’s plan. Knowing these things doesn’t make any of this any easier. I just want my body to work, to give me a chance at conceiving. Just a chance. Is that too much to ask?

But where were we? Oh yes, Feng Shui….so this morning when we woke up to a snowstorm and our plans for the day were pretty much canceled I dug out the book Ma Kono gave me a couple of years back. I had to reread to remember how this all works and for those who are unfamiliar, here are the basics (very basics, as really I have no idea what I’m talking about). There is a 9 quadrant octagon called a Bagua that has the following categories: prosperity, family, skills & knowledge, fame & reputation, health, career, relationships & love, creativity & children, helpful people & travel. You lay this Bagua on the top of the floor plan of your home to determine which area of your house ties to each category. Then, in order for the flow of positive energy to take place, you are supposed to place certain objects, colors, and materials in each of these spaces. There are a lot more specifics on how you do this, but that’s the basics.

In our case the creativity & children area fell in our breakfast nook and the back half of our mud room. To enhance this area of your life you are supposed to include the following: metal, round stuff, earth, and the colors white & yellow, among other things. Ma Kono also told me I should put pictures of children in this area. Luckily, our breakfast nook is painted gold, which I’m counting as yellow, so that helps. But, to make things even more conducive to this positive flow of energy….if this shit even works, who knows, but dude, I’m desperate….we moved some things around and added some stuff to our walls today.

First, I moved this pathetic looking fern, that has been sitting in front of the register and slowing dieing each day, to the breakfast nook area. This is killing two birds with one stone as it is both earth and in a round pot. Score. I also went rummaging around in the basement and found a yellow and white table runner that had some sort of candle stain on it and was never likely to be used as a table runner again and pinned it around the base of the planter to hide the ugly black container it came it. Yellow and white. Double score. Also a lot cheaper than buying a new planter.

Then, we moved into the mud room. I painted this room last April and shortly after that we bought these shelves. Today, we finally hung the shelves and added pictures of some of our favorite children.

I plan to buy some white flowers for the table the next time we go grocery shopping and I'm also now in the market for some metal sconces to hang around the picture that is on the wall opposite of the table.
Will all of this really help us to conceive? I have no idea, but I'm really happy those shelves are finally hung.


Kristin C. said...

I can only imagine your frustration. I think about how it will be when Trevor and I decide to start a family...and I think it will be a long haul til we actually concieve...he has a low sperm count (because of radiation treatments), I have a crazy cycle that ranges from 28 days to 55 days....and well...I guess that's it,. But I read your entries on this issue ans see myself in the not so distant future. So, all I can say is...I have heard this story a many times and it alwasy seems that once the you truly relax on the issue...and not stress about're body will be more willing to accept a new change like motherhood. Also, I've read that yoga helps with fertility becasue it allows you to de-stress and become comfortable in your body.

Kristin C. said...

also, I am sorry for the typos...I meant to hit preview..but hit publish :-)

Kate said...

Kristin, I started asking around about yoga studios up here this weekend. The dance class I’m in right now runs through May, so I’m thinking maybe when I’m done with that I’ll look at starting yoga. I’m really excited about it! Also, I didn’t notice the typos, so no worries, I’m so bad at spelling and grammar that stuff never phases me.

Aubrey said...

Well I think Feng Shui is an awesome idea. Even if it doesn't work on necessarily increasing fertility, it should help you relax having some rooms that make you happy. Also, I now that the acidic levels of your body can affect your abilities to conceive. And relaxing helps neutralize that. So having a relaxing room that you walk into (I'm assuming your mud room is off the garage) and a relaxing room to eat in, should really help that.

Also, last night at my MOPS steering committee meeting, a lady who was already at the church stopped in and was talking about all her work at the hospital rehab area with Tai Chi (is this spelled right? Tai Chee? Anyway). She said this was a really great thing for women suffering with arthritis, something else and lastly she mentioned pregnancy. You are basically standing all the time and you find your chi in the center of you body. Which pretty much winds up being your "womb". So maybe you could look into that.

I wish I could share my crazy ass fertility with you and Em. I've already offered my body to Em and the offer would stand for you guys too. If it ever comes down to that. I've got a great baby carrier that I'm no longer using. ;)

Kate said...

Aubrey – you’re so right, I do feel so good when I walk in the mud room and see those pictures. And I like the arrangement in the breakfast nook a lot better already. So yeah, even if it doesn’t help with fertility, the changes are definitely lifting my mood.

Also, it’s funny you mention Tai Chi, when we were up at the cabin my Mom brought this Tai Chi tape up that she had found at the house and she insisted it was either mine or Justin’s. We both laughed at it and Justin and Kira said they might test is out while there were up there. I may have to grab it from them and give it a whirl.

Aubrey said...

I meant to let you know, I have the perfect wrought iron sconces for you if you are willing to wait until May. I might be able to get them in the mail to you too though. The are about 12 in tall and have two candle stick spots each. They are kind of swirly circles on each. I'll have to dig them out and send you a picture. We haven't used them since the Ottawa house. I actually think they are in my Mom's basement.

Dawn said...

I know how hard it is when it takes forever, and everyone around you seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. If someone told me that standing on my head 4 hours a day would help us have a baby, I'd do it for 5! I hope the new arrangement helps you relax and really works in the BD department!!!!
Also, if you're not already going there, is a great TTC website for support and info.